FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
- Swinging Guidelines -
Questions? We're here to help!
/ FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
It’s important that you feel comfortable when attending our club. Here are just a few of our swinging frequently asked questions.
The people involved in this Lifestyle consist of a large cross section of people. Swingers come from all walks of life, in all shapes, sizes and ages. Upon average, most couples are in their late twenties to late forties. Some of the most common similarities in swingers include a sense of adventure, a love for new experiences and meeting new friends, honesty and an open mind, respect for others, and most of all, a very strong, secure and loving relationship with their partner. Swingers, in general, are fun loving people that seem to enjoy life to the fullest.
There are two ways to go. The first is frank discussion – if your partner is able to verbalize his or her sexual desires, then talking and finding out the facts together may lead you to the decision that is best for your overall happiness. If it is difficult to find out exactly what your partner thinks, a less subtle approach may be better. Try exposing your partner to the idea of Swinging through verbal fantasizing during lovemaking, viewing pornographic movies and magazines that portray multiples, becoming platonic friends with Swingers, etc. By contacting local Swingers Clubs, you will be able to find out about parties and hotel lounges that are meeting places for couples interested in Swinging. A visit for dinner and drinks may lead to contacts and discussions that may spark your partner’s interest in a new form of sexual adventure. This should give you exposure to the Swing Scene without any sexual involvement on your part.
You probably cannot be 100% certain but swingers don’t want STD’s just as much as anyone else. Many Couples set their own rules: they never swing without using condoms, they avoid certain sexual acts (except perhaps with each other), they abstain at certain times. You want to protect yourself – the steps you take to do so are up to you. You can check with your state or county health department for more information on most STD’s, and there is plenty of information on these topics out there on the internet.
Established Swingers Clubs are very professional and discreet in their conduct. Otherwise, they would not exist for more than a week. Other alternatives are Swinger publications, websites, conventions and special events, travel agencies and resorts that cater to the sexually adventurous. How can I maintain my privacy while corresponding with other Swingers? Email is growing in popularity these days as well as websites, whose personal ads will act as an intermediary until you decide to give out your email address. In this way, you can remain anonymous at your leisure. Swinging activities can take place at third party locations: Swingers Clubs, hotels, resorts, private homes, etc.
Well first of all, the phrase “the lifestyle” is one of those euphemisms like “passed away” or “powder my nose” that everyone uses instead of telling it like it is. “The Lifestyle” means swinging – couples getting together with other couples to enjoy sex with each other’s partners. The lifestyle also includes singles (ladies or men) who get together with couples to participate in sexual activities.
You don’t have to “justify” it – you explore the idea to find out if it suits you. If it does, no justification is needed – it’s just something you enjoy. If it doesn’t suit you, no justification is needed because you won’t do it.
On the contrary, couples who enjoy swinging are very secure and stable in their primary relationships. Most couples who swing have better-than-average communication with each other – they can and do talk to each other about anything – including their sexual fantasies. They are looking for ways to enhance their relationship, to make sex better and more exciting, and to add variety to their sex without cheating on their partner.
This depends on the stability of your relationship. If you are used to expressing fantasies with each other, you can simply start expressing your desire to see your partner being pleasured by someone else… a little sexy talk now can lead to real conversations later, which might lead you to exploring the scene more in-depth. If you do not yet talk to each other about your sexual needs and fantasies, you should start gradually to introduce this kind of talk into your sex play. But start with the mild stuff first – it might not be wise to suddenly blurt out, “I’d love to see you doing this with someone else!” Also, look for clues that your partner may entertain fantasies involving others: does he/she get turned on by movies depicting group sex? Does he/she turn up the heat during sex with you after you’ve met another couple socially? If you see such clues, comment on them in a positive way. As far as coming right out with the question of swinging, only you can gauge how you think your partner will react.
But generally speaking, the question of whether they are interested in swinging must be posed so that your partner knows you are wanting to please them and enhance your sex life together – if they think you are just wanting to get into someone else’s pants yourself, you come across as being selfish and they might think you are dissatisfied with them.
You can’t (and don’t want to) force your partner to do anything – swinging is about mutual respect and pleasure, and you don’t want your spouse to do this just because *you* want to – it’s imperative that they want to do it too. Don’t try to force it. If they are reluctant at first, you just have to take it slow – you’re allowed to express your fantasies too, just like you want your spouse to do, so mention once in a while how much it would turn you on to watch your spouse with someone else, to do it with your spouse in front of others, to walk in on your friends having sex and then the two of you joining in, being naked in a hot tub with another couple, etc. You don’t have to drop it completely unless you get a flat “No, never, not on your life.” The key is just to gently suggest things without pressure to really make it happen.
Couples usually meet either by attending social events sponsored by lifestyle clubs or by contacting each other directly through personal ads placed in lifestyle websites. Isn’t that dangerous? If you make your first meeting a public one, such as in a bar or club, there is really no more danger than going on a date. You are under no obligation to leave with them or even talk to them again. If it turns out the ad was a fake, then obviously no one will show up to meet you – that’s not dangerous, it’s just annoying. You should not, however, agree to meet any new couple or person in private – public meetings establish that everything is above board, and give you and idea of whether the person or couple is one you would like to get to know better.
It’s nerve-wracking to think about meeting a new couple – after all, your ultimate goal is to have sex with them. But back up a moment – in reality, the goal of the first meeting is NOT to have sex, it’s simply to determine whether this is a couple you and your spouse are attracted to. So really, there’s no pressure to do *anything* other than visit and get to know each other a little. Whatever you do, DON’T stand someone up. Everyone gets the butterflies, but it’s really rude to make plans and then simply fail to show. If you must cancel, let them know in advance you won’t be there.
After your first meeting, that’s entirely up to you – you can start building a friendship and approach the idea of sex later, or you can tell them up front whether you would like to “get together” with them (that’s another euphemism, it means “have sex”) and make plans to do so. How about club events – what are those? Most states have privately-owned clubs established for the purpose of providing opportunities for swinging couples to meet. Also club experience is much the same across the country. Most clubs host dances which couples can attend.
No. If a club requires you to have sex with someone at an event, run screaming in the other direction. You are NEVER required to do anything you don’t want to do. Clubs like Trapeze just provide an opportunity to meet like-minded swinger couples (so you don’t have to wonder “do they or don’t they”) in a sexy atmosphere that’s conducive to the kind of activity you’re interested in. What happens at club events? That depends on the type of event and the couples in attendance. At a dance, the atmosphere is charged and you can expect loud music, “dirty dancing,” salacious rubbing/bumping and grinding, and suggestive conversation. There likely will be blatant sexual activity going on at the dance – plus a lot of flirting and people getting turned on. But then again, there could be some pretty outrageous behavior at the dance itself.