Oral Sex Etiquette for Swingers

Written by SwingersHelp.com

We all enjoy some oral sex but if you want to have repeat sessions of this fun treat, it would be a good idea to follow some basic rules of etiquette.  You & your regular partner probably have a good understanding and don’t need to think about these issues.  But when you start swinging with new people there won’t be that understanding.  To keep everyone happy & protect your reputation as a good swinging partner, we are going to spell out many different aspects to handle for hot, happy & consensual oral sex.

Communicate With Your Partner

It doesn’t matter if you are soft swap, full swap or whatever.  Make sure to ask your swinging partner what is allowed and preferred.  Don’t assume anything.  Some people prefer to be on top and others prefer the bottom or laying on their side when giving oral attention.  Some people like a very soft approach & others enjoy being more vigorous.  ASK!  Don’t assume anything.

Gently Ease In

Hopefully you already asked and know what they like & where you can finish.  Still you should always start slow & ease into it.  It is easier to turn up the volume and go harder than it is to dial back.  If you go too hard, too soon you can risk making it not feel good and having the entire play date stop.  Not everyone’s definition of hard, rough, fast or deep is the same.  Ease into it and use their feedback to adjust accordingly.  When in doubt, ask.  Don’t roughly pull hair or ears.  Even if they ask for it, gradually ease into it.


Everyone has different preferences when it comes to grooming and the swinging lifestyle.  Start with the basics – be freshly showered.  Then focus on your hair down there.  You don’t need to go bald but at least tidy things up.  Coughing up hairballs is what cats do, not swingers.

Diet Changes Flavor

Photo by Oleg Magni from Pexels

Yes, your diet can actually impact the flavor of your flow so take some smart precautions.  Increase your fruit intake 2-3 days before a date for a sweeter taste (pineapple really works wonders).  Skip asparagus the day of fun to avoid junkyard smells.  In general try to decrease coffee, cigarettes, and red meat which can lead to slightly bitter flavors.

Dessert Buffet

If you are going to bring in some sweet stuff like chocolate sauce, whip cream, sucking candies, or whatever to make the oral session into a sweet dessert, be careful to keep everything on the outside.  Sugar and other stuff can screw up the internal balance and boost the chance of an infection.  Play it safe and keep it on the outside.

Scrub Up

This one really should go without saying but we’ve heard too many horror stories to leave it out.  If you are going to have fun with a lady, wash your hands before the fun.  Oral attention often involves some fingers and dirty fingers can lead to UTIs.  Never play with the brown side before playing with the pink side, that also greatly increases the chance of UTI.  If you give a lady a UTI, she is not going to be happy with you.  Be smart & use good hygiene. If you are going to have fun with a guy and you have been eating something spicy – make sure you wash up.  A little spice residue can burn extra hot on the sensitive skin down below.

Squirting Surprise

Ladies, if you have a history of squirting, make sure to share this information and grab a towel.  It is just polite to avoid surprises and be prepared for possible wet spots.

Sexy Eyes

Many people enjoy making occasional sexy eye contact during oral fun.  Keeping an eye on the situation helps both of you communicate and give feedback.  Make sure to use all of your senses for better interaction.

Ask For Help

Don’t be afraid to ask for a roadmap to deliver them to nirvana. We are all different and like different things.  Pay attention to their body’s reaction for clues and when in doubt ask if they like it this way or offer them an alternative way.  Communication is always key.

Safer Sex

Many swingers don’t use condoms during oral fun because the STI risk tends to be lower via oral transmission.  Lower risk does not mean risk-free.  To better protect yourself you can use non-lubricated flavored condoms for oral fun.  The non-lubricated aspect is important because lubed condoms don’t taste good and the mouth doesn’t usually need any extra lubrication.  If you are looking to give a lady some oral attention you can use a dental dam or slice a flavored condom down the side to open it up into a more of sheet.  Also pack your breath mints & gum but don’t brush your teeth immediately before oral fun.  Vigorously brushing your teeth can temporarily inflame your gums making it easier for bad stuff to enter your system – so stick with breath mints.

Don’t Complain

If something isn’t going right, stand up for yourself and change it – just do it in a positive manner.  Help your partner bring you pleasure by giving specific directions in a super sexy voice. If they can’t follow instructions to your satisfaction, suggest an alternative activity to get away from what isn’t working.  Instead of complaining about bad oral skills, say you would prefer to switch to something else.  If you don’t enjoy the person, say you are craving being with your own partner.  This keeps the potential of hurt feelings and drama to a minimum while still protecting you & your preferences.

Missed Explosions

Sometimes oral fun just doesn’t lead to an explosive finish.  It does not mean either of you are lacking.  Everyone is different and every situation is different.  Some people want to save the explosive finish for other types of fun.  Some ED pills make men harder but also make it harder to orgasm.  Some people just have a hard time reaching their explosion through oral alone.  Relax.  Think it of as drinking cocktails at a bar.  You can have fun drinking without getting blackout drunk, right?  The same is true about oral.  People can truly enjoy the oral attention without an explosive finish.

Advance Notice

If you are approaching orgasm, make sure to give your partner a warning.  Guys – it is even better if you ask again where they want you to finish to avoid firing off on or in the wrong body part. Do not assume coming in her mouth is ok.

Fairness not Equality

Sex tends to be more fun when we don’t focus on the scorecards.  Don’t worry about the number of completions or how they happen.  Focus more on did everyone have a fun time.  You don’t need to have the same & equal score, you just need to have a fair & happy situation.

Try your best to treat your swinging partners the way you want to be treated.  When you are actually in the moment, go with the flow and don’t overthink it.  Life rarely goes according to plan so don’t be surprised if there is a hiccup during play.  Be friendly and polite if something happens and remember that polite does not mean passive.  Usually the mistakes are barely noticed and everything is OK to continue.  If something isn’t alright, don’t be afraid to stop and check in with everyone.  Showing compassion & caring about others is a very sexy thing 🙂


Happy Swinging!



“Oral Sex Etiquette for Swingers.” Swingers Help, swingershelp.com/oral-sex-etiquette-for-swingers.