Written by SwingersHelp.com
So you’ve both decided to live out your fantasy of bringing another woman into your bed. Great. Now what? Agreeing to pursue a fantasy is just the first step of turning a dream into reality. Navigating a new sexual activity, regardless of what it is, with your partner can be challenging even under the best of circumstances.
Whenever you and your significant other consider expanding your relationship boundaries, many conversations must be had, words of affirmation that must be said, and a lot of trust that must be earned. Making sure that everyone has been able to express their wants, needs, and boundaries is essential.
Before jumping into bed with a third person, the first thing to do is talk about why you want a threesome and what you want to happen during the encounter. Take the time to assess the health of your relationship to determine if you are ready for a threesome. Make sure that the prospect is exciting to both of you and that neither feels pressured to live out the other’s fantasy.
Once you’ve determined that it is something that you both want, take time to discuss the details.
Essential topics to include in your discussion:
- Who will be your third? Discuss your preferences for choosing a stranger versus someone you already know.
- Are any activities off-limits? Don’t make the mistake of assuming that your idea of a perfect threesome is the same as your partner’s. Be clear if intercourse with the unicorn is okay with both of you (and, if so, what kind or kinds). You will also want to have this conversation with the woman you decide to bring to bed too! As in all lifestyle activities, consent is crucial.
- Where will the encounter take place? Some couples prefer to play at home while others prefer hotels or lifestyle clubs. If you choose to host at home, decide if you want to use your primary bedroom or another location in your home.
- Will this be a one-night stand, or are you hoping for an ongoing arrangement? This preference could impact the unicorn you choose as some women are only interested in single encounters while some prefer ongoing arrangements and others have no preference.
- How will you check in with each other during your play session? Agree on a few verbal and non-verbal cues that will enable you to communicate with each other discreetly. These secret signals will help clarify whether moving forward is okay or if things need to slow down.
Finding Your Unicorn
If you already know the woman you want to invite to join your three-way action, please feel free to skip to the next section.
For many couples, finding the right person for their MFF is the hardest part. As with couple swaps, clear chemistry between all parties is vital but not easy to find. Swinger dating sites are a great place to start if you are looking for a single (or attached, non-monogamous) woman interested in playing with couples. Local lifestyle clubs can also be good venues for finding your potential fit.
Some couples prefer a more old-school route and choose to seek out their bedmates at vanilla bars. This approach tends to have a lower success rate, but it does offer a great couple’s night out if nothing else.
Common Feelings and How to Handle them
As we stated earlier, there are specific common feelings associated with the idea of a threesome, and they must be fully dealt with before it happens.
- Consent is Crucial
If you are committed to your partner, a threesome should not happen unless she is onboard with it. Consent is the most important thing to tick off the checklist, and each person has to be sure that it is what they want. It is vital that no one feels coerced or forced to agree, and once this part is settled, you can address other feelings.
- It is normal to get excited.
The idea of a threesome completely turns many people on. This is because they get to experience someone new sexually, watch their partner have sex with someone else, and even learn an adventurous and fresh sexual style. It is an avenue for you and your partner to live out a fantasy in the comfort of your relationship, and it is exciting to consider. Also, imagine how incredible it would feel to be stimulated by two people at once! Adding another female to your routine can give you intense pleasure and a fantastic orgasmic release.
- How to ask for a threesome?
Another common feeling people have when discussing threesomes with their partners is a possible lack of trust and confidence in the relationship. It is important to begin any suggestion of a threesome by first restating your commitment to your partner and your existing relationship. How you present the idea will greatly influence how it is received. Try to reassure your partner by saying things like, “I think this would be so hot to share with you,” “This is a way to switch things up in the bedroom,” or “I want us to experience something different together.” Statements like these focus on the benefits to the relationship rather than on just one person’s fantasies.
However, if you and your partner already have trust, jealousy, or commitment issues, suggesting a threesome will add fuel to the already bursting flames. In this case, you should wait till after you work out your problems and you are both in a safe, happy space in the relationship.
- Everyone should be comfortable and included
Before engaging in a threesome, ensure that everyone is totally comfortable with each other. There is bound to be a certain awkwardness often caused by discomfort; however, this can be eliminated when you all feel connected, both emotionally and sexually. Also, one of the worst sexual experiences is feeling left out during a threesome. The same way no one wanted to be the last one picked for drama club or softball in high school is similar to the feeling of being forgotten in this scenario, and it sucks. Luckily, you can avoid this by going on a date with the other female and getting connected before getting down to business. This also helps everyone build sexual chemistry, which is very important in the bedroom.
Where to Find a Unicorn (Single female)
Once all the feelings surrounding the idea are addressed, the next step is where/how to find a willing unicorn, aka a single female. Certain social cues would let you know if the other female is down for the experience or not. For example, you could go to a bar with your partner and sit on opposite ends. Next, approach a female you both like and start flirting with her; after a while, your partner would join in and flirt with her as well. This should give her an idea of what you both want, and she will immediately agree to go home with you or walk away. Either way, you will get an answer almost immediately, which saves time if you have to find someone else. Also, after spending some time in this scene, it will be easier to pick out people who could be interested in your little escapade just off their energy and the vibe they give off. It would shock you to realize many couples are often in bars trying to find a new, willing recruit, so do not think you are alone.
You can also try swinger dating sites. These sites are designed for all kinds of swingers to meet, but you have to be clear about your intentions to make sure you connect with someone that wants the same situation. Ensure you have clear body pictures of you and your partner, as this will make it easier and faster for the other female to make a decision. Also, don’t forget to take all necessary safety measures when inviting a stranger into your bed.
Another unpopular but plausible option is asking someone you both know. This might seem a bit messy, but it eliminates the time you would take to get to know a stranger and the awkwardness that comes with it. If the other person is into it, and everyone is comfortable, we do not see why this should not work. However, we understand it might hit a bit too close to home for some people.
Reconnecting with Your Partner Afterward
After a threesome, it can be tricky for some couples to reconnect immediately and act as nothing happened, and for others, it takes some time to accept what did happen. Some people even deal with feelings of disgust and guilt, especially when they did not have a proper discussion before the experience. Regardless of how you feel afterward, you must acknowledge what happened and find a way to reconnect with your partner.
A great way is to talk about how you both feel after the unicorn leaves. This focuses on both of you and your relationship, which is the center of everything. You can now discuss aspects like; Was it worth it? Was the experience satisfactory? Did you learn something new about each other?, Were you both comfortable throughout the experience? Will you remain in contact with your unicorn? And do you want to do it again? These questions are like a quality assessment procedure, and it helps if you are both completely honest with each other.
Reconnecting with your partner after a threesome is very important, and it can only be done through in-depth communication. Try your best to lay it all out and say exactly how you feel without mincing words. This exercise will help keep you both on the same page regarding threesomes moving forward.
Many people want to try threesomes but are scared of having a conversation with their significant other. If you are reading this, we say, let go of the fear and just ask! The worst you could get is a no, and you can move on from it.
A threesome between a couple and a unicorn will only be successful if everyone is on board with the idea and 100% comfortable with it. Communication is extremely crucial in this scenario, as assuming anything could be very dangerous for everyone involved. Being sensitive to everyone’s needs, attentive and loving is a great way to get the show off to a great start and have a very fulfilling experience with your partner and a lucky unicorn.