How to Flirt With Swingers

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Swingers are a friendly bunch.  The friendlier you are, the better chances for sexy fun and swingers love sexy fun!  If you are at a swinging lifestyle party or club, it is safe to assume everyone is a potential sexy connection.

Just remember that potential does not mean anything is guaranteed or effortless. It also doesn’t mean you have to participate in anything. At anytime during the swinger flirting process, anyone can stop it. No means no and it is always acceptable to say no thanks at anytime.

How do you know if a swinger couple wants to have sex with you? 

The seductive flirting process is different depending on the person and situation but there is a general flow to flirting among swingers.  Here is an simplified explanation of this flirting process and how it escalates from being friendly to making a sexy connection to actually having sexy playtime.  Hopefully this can help you better judge swinger scenarios and minimize any potential miscommunication & misunderstandings.

Flirting Step 1 – Showing Up

Showing up to a lifestyle event means they are open to making a sexy connection. Just like a single person going to singles bar is potentially open to hooking up if they find the right person. Swingers aren’t nymphomaniacs so it doesn’t mean there will be sexy play but there is definitely hope that eventually a sexy time will be enjoyed with the right match.

Flirting Step 2 – Talking With You

This shows they aren’t turned off but it doesn’t mean they are turned on either. Feel free to talk with as many people as you like at swinger events. Most people want to have sexy time that night so they tend to focus most of their conversations with potential sexy connections.  If they move on, don’t be upset.  You don’t know if they aren’t interested or if they incorrectly assumed you weren’t interested.  If you aren’t interested you can stop talking anytime so you don’t waste your chance to find a sexy connection.  You can politely excuse yourself to get another drink or get some fresh air or call the babysitter as an excuse to withdraw and move on to another couple. Talking with swingers shows a low level of interest but an easy one to build upon.

Flirting Step 3 – Compliments

If swingers want to build a sexy connection, they will start dropping compliments.  It depends on what they focus their attention on. If they compliment your plate of food from the buffet, its just being friendly & polite. If they compliment something more personal, like how sexy you look, then they are open to getting to know you better. Remember being open to the idea is not a guarantee. If you want a sexy connection, then you should make some sexy compliments about their clothes, body, dance moves, etc. to show your potential interest.  Swingers can’t read minds, so make sure to demonstrate your interest in them with some nice words.

Flirting Step 4 – Touching/Actions

We aren’t talking about overt groping. We are talking about a casual soft touch on your hand or leg as they laugh at your joke. It could also be an invitation to dance together as they drop more casual soft touches on you to judge your response.  If you like it, move closer and return the touches in a gradual escalation.  Making eye contact while smiling is very sexy and inviting.  Being inviting is a good thing.  All of these different actions show potential desire for a closer connection. Some very friendly people do this without desiring you but most of the time it shows a sexy interest in you.  This is more signaling to each other via seductive hints in a low pressure way.  Save the overt groping for after you get consent.

Flirting Step 5 – Making The Offer

Consent is sexy and you can’t get consent if you don’t ask. When swingers want to make a sexy connection, they will ask. They might not have the courage to ask, so if you are interested in sexy play you should ask. How does a swinger ask for sexy playtime? You can say something like “We’re going to see if a play room is open, if you want to join” this makes it low pressure and easy for them to say yes or politely decline with no hurt swinger feelings. If you are super nervous you can say something like “I heard swingers will touch another persons cheek to show they find them sexy & open to playing, I wish someone would touch my cheek.” Yes, it’s a little silly but this creates an easy opening for them to signal if they are or are not into you.

Often swingers will err on the side of being too low key and miss out on making sexy connections.  Never underestimate the amount of nervous swingers who are potentially open to a sexy connection but just don’t know how to flirt & worry about offending others or embarrassing themselves. Being friendly & confident (or at least pretending to be confident) can deliver very good results if you want to make sexy playtime happen.

How Not to Flirt with Swingers

While we are on this topic, let’s also chat about what not to do when you are trying to make a sexy connection with swingers.
Don’t Lurk – You can approach groups of other swingers but if you realize two couples are trying to engage each other don’t hover over them.  Give them space to have their fun.  If you are chatting with another couple and it’s obvious they aren’t into you, also give them space so they can find their own sexy connection.  If they re-engage, you can all enjoy some friendly platonic conversations.
Don’t Be Extremely Shy – We all feel nervous from time to time and can be a little shy.  That is normal.  If you behave like you are scared and hide away in a corner, other swingers will avoid you and you can forget any chance of sexy time.  Here are some special tips for shy swingers.
Don’t Touch First – Show respect and make a verbal connection before any touching happens.  Men, let the ladies make the first physical move.  Unless consent is clear, don’t risk it.
Don’t Get Offended – Act like a mature adult.  You are going to be rejected and you are going to reject others.  Be polite and mature about it.  If there is a misunderstanding, steer away from any drama.
Don’t Get Drunk & Skip Drunk Swingers – Some swingers will over imbibe.  You can be friendly with them but should not engage sexually with them.  They can’t give consent when drunk and you don’t want to get involved with drama. Slurring your words and being sloppy drunk aint sexy. Stay sharp and go easy with the alcohol.
Don’t Overthink – Relax, swinger parties are fun because worst case scenario you are going home with the hottest person at the party – your own partner.  So take a deep breath, exhale and learn to enjoy the moment.



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