Category: Lifestyle News

10 Ways to Pleasure a Penis

Written by Amanda Kohr on

Let’s talk about penises. As you probably know, penises are incredibly vulnerable to sensation—for better or worse. We’re focusing on the “better” as we share 10 penis sex tips designed to make your partner’s (or your own) nether regions feel amazing.

Keep in mind that this list is by no means comprehensive, nor will every tip work for every penis. The trick is to find ideas that work for you and the penis-owner in your life. And when trying new things, remember to ask for consent and check-in with your partner as you explore together.

Now then…who’s ready to play?

1. Play with penis rings.

It’s a common misconception that toys are purely for vulva-owners. I have good news for you: there are tons of toys out there, specifically designed for penis play. A nice entry-level option is the penis ring. When placed at the base of the penis, it applies pressure to the surrounding area, causing the blood vessels to constrict or tighten. This allows blood flow to leave the penis more slowly, AKA—longer and harder erections. (Oh, boy!)

There are even some penis rings out there that come with a “vibration” element, which can provide an added dose of pleasure for both the wearer and a vulva-owning partner. We’re especially fond of the Mio from Je Joue. the unique motor creates ultra-low-frequency vibrations, which feel like they travel further into the body than those from some other “buzzy” vibrating toys.

2. Practice edging.

It’s not unusual for penis-owners to occasionally experience bouts of “finishing too quickly,” or premature ejaculation. But—and this is a big but—there are things you can do to elongate playtime.

One way to keep the sexy times going is to practice edging. While playing with a penis, get your partner close to finishing—but don’t go all the way. Think of it as a 1-10 scale: if 10 is explosive orgasm, and 1 is asleep, you want to take them to a 7 or 8 level, then bring them back down to a 4 or 5…only to rev them back up again, to another tantalizing edge.

Keep this up for as long as they can handle it. Not only does it make the final finish that much hotter, but it can also help increase your partner’s stamina.

3. Utilize a delay spray.

Another idea is to bring in reinforcements, because listen – penises are sensitive, and that’s ok. But by applying a topical “delay spray,” penis-owners develop more control over their orgasms and aren’t so at the mercy of their nervous system. Here’s the deal: the penis is full of nerve endings (fun!), especially at the top where the glans and the frenulum are located. When the spray is applied to the penis, it helps those nerve endings be a little less reactive. One popular option is Promescent’s Delay Spray, which is absorbed into the nerve cells just below the skin, and basically slows down how quickly your nerve endings tell your body to orgasm. More fun for everyone!

4. Take away their hands.

Have you ever heard the phrase “forced receiving”? Despite the name, it’s a consensual act (very important), where you restrain your partner so that you can take your sweet time pleasuring them—and, it’s one of our favorite penis sex tips.

This can be especially electric if the penis owner in your life is more often the “dominant” one in bed — but when you force your partner (literally, because of the restraints) to receive, you’re giving them delicious physical sensations…while enjoying your position of power. (And hey, chances are, it’s hot for them to experience submission.)

To restrain your partner, you can use something around the house (like a bathrobe tie), or you can invest in some legit bondage tools. Beginners might consider bondage tape from Good Vibrations. It only sticks to itself, so it’s an easy and safe way to make sure your partner stays nice and restrained. More advanced folks might like to explore SportSheet’s Under-the-Bed Restraint Systems. It turns any bed into a bondage playground, and has loops for your partner’s arms and legs. They won’t be going anywhere.

Psst. For an added bonus, Good Vibrations is offering 20% off all purchases now through August 31. Affordable and erotic!

5. Bring in the booty.

Not all penis-owners like things in their butt, but many do! Because penis owners have prostates, their anuses are filled with sensitive nerve endings, making it a fun place to explore (if both parties are consenting.) This can be done with a finger or a toy—just make sure you use lots of lube and follow the anal play essentials.

If butt stuff isn’t for you and your partner, there are still other ways to get your partner’s booty in the game. The next time you’re in missionary, grab your partner’s butt cheeks and pull them in deeper. Almost everyone wants to feel wanted (especially during sex) and grabbing your partner’s butt is a way to say, “I want all of you.”

6. Explore other erogenous zones.

Speaking of the butt, don’t forget about your partner’s myriad other erogenous zones! Often when we’re pleasuring a penis, we go straight for the shaft—which is totally fine, but there are so many other parts of the body that deserve attention. Some penis-owners love having their inner thighs teased, while others love their nipples toyed with right before orgasm. Some might like to be blindfolded and enjoy the anticipation of where your hand or mouth might travel on their body.

Remember that everyone has different erogenous zones. You can ask your partner what they like, or experiment, to learn how they respond.

7. Have a ball.

Now that we’re talking erogenous zones, let’s talk testicles. For many penis-owners, these are highly sensitive, highly pleasurable parts to play with — but, it’s not always intuitive how to approach them. Here’s a short menu of ideas to try:

Cup them, and move your hands over them gently
Blow on them, while providing oral sex
Lick each softly, possibly sucking one into your mouth
The keyword here is “gentle,” as going at them too aggressively—or, twisting—can be super painful, even resulting in injury. As long as you’re checking in, and trying out one or each of these ideas slowly, these oft-neglected penis companions can yield tons of pleasure.

8. Turn up (or turn down) the heat.

Temperature play is a great way to bring some diversity to your sex game, awaken new sensations, and make the whole encounter more surprising (in a good way).

The next time you go down on your partner, try sipping on some hot water or tea right before getting started. Alternatively, you can suck on some ice and bring cooler sensations into the bedroom. Temperature play also isn’t limited to the genitals—trace an ice cube across your partner’s body, or use a hot wax massage candle. Remember: there’s no right or wrong here (unless your heat methods are scalding, so be safe). You’re simply giving your partner’s penis novel feelings to enjoy, which can heighten overall excitement.

9. Make oral into dessert with flavored lube.

For some folks, flavored lube triggers memories of shady sex shops or overly-sweet oral sex experiences. But trust us when we say that’s not the case for all flavored lubes. In fact, these days, some are downright delicious—and make for an incredible penis sex tip.

Like anything in life, you’ve got to go for quality products in order to yield maximum success. Take System Jo for example; one of our go-to sexual accessories, System Jo’s lubes actually taste good. (Like, we might want to put them on ice cream, they taste so good.) Flavors include everything from Tiramisu to Creme Brulee to Mint Chocolate Chip, and they seriously taste just like the sweet treats they’re trying to replicate. Simply slather it on, and enjoy a dessert that’s yummy for both of you. Just remember that flavored lube is only intended for oral, so to keep things easy-breezy and infection-free, leave it out of any orifices.

10. Give them a show.

From tactile to taste, we’ve discussed lots of sensory methods for penis sex tips. Now, let’s focus on the visuals.

Mutual masturbation is a psychologically hot way to turn on a penis-owner, even if it seems – at first – somewhat indirect. Why? Because watching a partner touch themselves is both super intimate, and, a way for each of you to show off your inner voyeur (and exhibitionist).

We also love role play, as it allows each of you to dabble with power… but also? As far as visuals go, role play is a nice excuse to dress up. Just remember that role play is a spectrum, and you don’t have to jump into furry territory right off the bat. If role play is new for you, ask the penis owner in your life what would excite them to see — even if it’s just a suggestive pair of stockings.

That should be enough to get you started. Now go have fun with your favorite penis-owner. (And share this with a friend who might enjoy learning some new tips.)



The Guide to a Successful Friends with Benefits Relationship

Written by Tolly Moseley on

If there’s any sexual activity that’s gotten way, way more popular in the past few years, it’s ye olde friends with benefits. That’s not just my opinion: it’s research. And while that’s great news for anyone interested in alternative relationship configurations, the friends with benefits setup does require some solid interpersonal skills — if you’d like to avoid drama.

When you’re a pacifist, pleasure-loving individual, who’d also very much enjoy a friends with benefits arrangement, not to worry. Justin Lehmiller has some research-backed pointers on FWB’s and what makes them successful, on everything from initiation to maintenance. (We interviewed him on that very subject.) So here are six steps to pursuing one, without undue tears/angry texts/general malaise. Right this way for benefits—the friendly, sexy kind.

Step 1: Be selective.

If you’d like to initiate a friends with benefits dynamic, one of the best things you can do for yourself is to be picky. Just because it’s not an “official” relationship doesn’t mean you have to throw standards out the window, so when assessing potential candidates, here are three things to think about:

  • Am I attracted to them?
  • Are they a good communicator? (More on that in a moment)
  • Are the circumstances conducive to this?

The first one should be easy to assess, the second we’ll cover more in-depth. But the third question is crucial, because the best candidate will likely be someone who already occupies some healthy distance in your life. A family friend? Yeah, that’s asking for a weird Thanksgiving. Your coworker? Maybe, but then again…could go south, fast. The yogi you met at the gym who’s sexy as hell, but not someone you’d want to pursue a serious relationship with? Now you’re talking.

Step 2: Set the ground rules.

Justin says that in his research, the FWB’s who are most successful prioritize communication, and get that piece down first. Mutual attraction is the easy part, folks! What you’re really looking for is someone who can answer the following questions:

  • What are you looking to get out of this?
  • Are you OK with the things I want from this?
  • Is there anything off-limits? Sexual activities, couple-y behaviors, etc?

If you can navigate this conversation, and find the other person to be mature and realistic in doing so, then congratulations: you may have just found yourself a playmate! But a word of caution here — it’s a lot easier to do this with someone who wants the same things you do, rather than convincing someone to try it.

So be aware that in the initial communication, you should be clear that this isn’t a trial period for an actual relationship, or an on-ramp to something more serious. Don’t be a smooth talker; be frank, honest, and a good listener. That will help both parties make a wise decision.

Step 3: Have sex…safely.

You’re doing it: you’re accruing “benefits!” Yay you. But even if emotional expectations have been managed, your fertility and STI status are just as serious. So while this one is (hopefully) obvious, give your FWB arrangement some standard protocols:

  • Use contraception, and communicate about it openly
  • Have both parties get tested in advance of play time
  • Create a communication policy around outside partners and STI status

These rules will not only keep things drama-free, but will also help keep your communication skills in check. Which brings me to:

Step 4: Think through attachment.

Let’s turn the focus to you for a moment, dear FWB-er.

When you’ve found someone who’s down with boundaries and ground rules, that’s awesome. You’re letting them know what’s what, and doing a lot of important legwork on the front end. Great! But you’ve also got your own heart in the mix, so it’s smart to reflect on your attachment style.

Once you start touching this person, your brain’s feel-good chemicals are going to explode a bit—and this is to be expected. This is why communication is so important, so you can verbalize what you need to keep things copacetic. If you tend toward anxious attachment, some uncomfortable emotions may come up that you didn’t expect, and you could find yourself getting worried or jealous. On the flip side, if you tend toward avoidant attachment style, you could overlook check-ins with this person, who, after all, is still your friend.

If attachment styles are new to you, there are lots of quizzes on the internet to find out where you stand, and a growing number of books to help you explore the concept more deeply.

Step 5: Be a good friend.

We’ve talked a lot about sex; let’s turn to the friendship part.

Justin says that in his year-long study of FWB’s, the outcomes were pretty evenly split. Some went back to being platonic, some shifted into romantic relationships, and some ended both the friendship and the benefits in an acrimonious fashion. The fourth group remained happily FWB-status though, and again, the biggest difference was clear: they had great communication.

So in the maintenance phase of your friends with benefits relationship, don’t neglect the friend part. And by that I mean, are you being kind and decent? Are you avoiding relationship status confusion, by making conscious choices? Casual convos and even hangouts are great, but introducing them to your family could be overstepping an intimacy boundary. You know: the one you went to ends to create.

In that spirit, you might want to consider one potentially sticky issue, and that is: are the two of you allowed to discuss outside partners?

Just like you would with a platonic friend, it should probably be OK to discuss this stuff. If not – that could be a red flag, so back up and return to your agreements if they (or you) begin to display signs of jealousy.

Step 6: Expect evolution.

That brings me to my final point: the only constant in life is change, and I promise, your friends with benefits arrangement will.

Just as in Justin’s study, you might revert to friendship, you might switch gears and become romantic, or you may go your separate ways. During your initial set-up and your check-ins, here are some things to think about as the relationship (naturally) evolves:

  • Do we want to spend the night?
  • How frequently do we want to have sex?
  • What happens if one of us gets involved with a monogamous partner?

These are just a handful of the things to think about as you and your friend travel to Sexy Town together, and all require a lot of maturity to navigate. But if you’re reading this article, chances are you’re already a considerate person. If you remain communicative and open to change, then you very well could forge a special connection that defies societal boxes and, is incredibly fulfilling for both of you.



5 Date Ideas to Kick Off the New Year

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I don’t know if you’ve heard the news, but we’ve entered a new portal, people. And by “portal” I mean year, and by “year” I mean a unit of measurement, although after the years we’ve had, you’d be forgiven for forgetting, exactly, how we measure time.

Anyway, here’s what we can say! It’s cold. You need date ideas. And while “cozy” is the adjective du jour during these long winter nights, there’s nothing stopping you from getting your sexy on too. You just need to dress appropriately, aka layers, which will be super fun to take off later…wink wink.

So here are five sexy date ideas to inspire you this New Year, ranging from “quite adventurous” to “mixes well with pajamas.” Which one will you be lining up?

1. Make out at a drive-in movie.

It’s the 1950s! Just kidding, it’s the 2020s and this cute date has withstood the test of time. Drive-in movies are private, temperature-controlled exactly to your liking, and best of all you can kiss / cuddle / whatever you want to do, provided your parking brake is on. Just make sure the car is filled up with gas or electrically charged, and bring your own sexy snacks: who needs overpriced Good N’ Plenty when you can BYOC (bring your own chocolate)?

2. Read erotica to each other at the fireplace.

If you’re looking to practice your dirty talk without the pressure of generating it yourself, why not peruse some hot erotica? Why not read them out loud in front of a roaring fireplace? Why not find a bougie hotel with said fireplace, get all dressed up, and read them to each other there, with wine possibly in-hand? Enough with the questions – I think you know what to do.

3. Seduce your tastebuds with a cooking class.

If you, like me, think of the spaghetti scene from “Lady and the Tramp” when you read this date idea – then congratulations, we can be friends. But more to the point, this is a date concept that is both sexy and useful, because you get to take home something delicious! And what’s more, you can keep those skills next time you’re whipping up something special for each other. Oops, did you accidentally just smear some sauce across your face in the most adorable way? Guess your date will have to rub it off and gaze into your eyes, rom-com style.

4. Let the great artists inspire you (and your nudes).

If COVID left you culture-starved, get thee to an art opening and let the great masters do their magic. Chat in advance about the type of museum experience you’re craving, but do know this: just because they lived hundreds of years ago doesn’t mean the famous names of art history weren’t kinky AF. Regardless, if you’re both into art, you’re going to have a lot to talk about during and after, and as we like to say around here… communication is a lubrication.

5. Go camping + go at it.

Depending on where you live, you might look at this date idea and go – LOL, nope, too chilly. But listen! “Camping” has a lot of guises, from tents, to glamping, to rentable RV’s and campers. And weather permitting, i.e. no blizzards, camping has a lot going for it in the sexy department: you can make s’mores by the fire, cuddle in a blanket with warm beverages, and last but not least, have sex under the stars. Did you know that winter is the best time of year for stargazing? How cool would it be to locate a soulful cosmic body and then make love underneath it? Look at you, being so astrological!

The truth is, winter date night ideas abound, from sledding, to building a snowman, to wine tastings and chill movie nights – but hopefully, this list inspires you to mix it up, chase off the winter blues, and create some heat…the bodily kind.



Navigating MFF Swinger Threesomes

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So you’ve both decided to live out your fantasy of bringing another woman into your bed. Great. Now what? Agreeing to pursue a fantasy is just the first step of turning a dream into reality. Navigating a new sexual activity, regardless of what it is, with your partner can be challenging even under the best of circumstances.

Whenever you and your significant other consider expanding your relationship boundaries, many conversations must be had, words of affirmation that must be said, and a lot of trust that must be earned. Making sure that everyone has been able to express their wants, needs, and boundaries is essential.

Before jumping into bed with a third person, the first thing to do is talk about why you want a threesome and what you want to happen during the encounter. Take the time to assess the health of your relationship to determine if you are ready for a threesome. Make sure that the prospect is exciting to both of you and that neither feels pressured to live out the other’s fantasy.

Once you’ve determined that it is something that you both want, take time to discuss the details.

Essential topics to include in your discussion:

  • Who will be your third? Discuss your preferences for choosing a stranger versus someone you already know.
  • Are any activities off-limits? Don’t make the mistake of assuming that your idea of a perfect threesome is the same as your partner’s. Be clear if intercourse with the unicorn is okay with both of you (and, if so, what kind or kinds). You will also want to have this conversation with the woman you decide to bring to bed too! As in all lifestyle activities, consent is crucial.
  • Where will the encounter take place? Some couples prefer to play at home while others prefer hotels or lifestyle clubs. If you choose to host at home, decide if you want to use your primary bedroom or another location in your home.
  • Will this be a one-night stand, or are you hoping for an ongoing arrangement? This preference could impact the unicorn you choose as some women are only interested in single encounters while some prefer ongoing arrangements and others have no preference.
  • How will you check in with each other during your play session? Agree on a few verbal and non-verbal cues that will enable you to communicate with each other discreetly. These secret signals will help clarify whether moving forward is okay or if things need to slow down.

Finding Your Unicorn

If you already know the woman you want to invite to join your three-way action, please feel free to skip to the next section.

For many couples, finding the right person for their MFF is the hardest part. As with couple swaps, clear chemistry between all parties is vital but not easy to find. Swinger dating sites are a great place to start if you are looking for a single (or attached, non-monogamous) woman interested in playing with couples. Local lifestyle clubs can also be good venues for finding your potential fit.

Some couples prefer a more old-school route and choose to seek out their bedmates at vanilla bars. This approach tends to have a lower success rate, but it does offer a great couple’s night out if nothing else.

Common Feelings and How to Handle them

As we stated earlier, there are specific common feelings associated with the idea of a threesome, and they must be fully dealt with before it happens.

  1. Consent is Crucial

If you are committed to your partner, a threesome should not happen unless she is onboard with it. Consent is the most important thing to tick off the checklist, and each person has to be sure that it is what they want. It is vital that no one feels coerced or forced to agree, and once this part is settled, you can address other feelings.

  1. It is normal to get excited.

The idea of a threesome completely turns many people on. This is because they get to experience someone new sexually, watch their partner have sex with someone else, and even learn an adventurous and fresh sexual style. It is an avenue for you and your partner to live out a fantasy in the comfort of your relationship, and it is exciting to consider. Also, imagine how incredible it would feel to be stimulated by two people at once! Adding another female to your routine can give you intense pleasure and a fantastic orgasmic release.

  1. How to ask for a threesome?

Another common feeling people have when discussing threesomes with their partners is a possible lack of trust and confidence in the relationship.  It is important to begin any suggestion of a threesome by first restating your commitment to your partner and your existing relationship. How you present the idea will greatly influence how it is received. Try to reassure your partner by saying things like, “I think this would be so hot to share with you,” “This is a way to switch things up in the bedroom,” or “I want us to experience something different together.”  Statements like these focus on the benefits to the relationship rather than on just one person’s fantasies.

However, if you and your partner already have trust, jealousy, or commitment issues, suggesting a threesome will add fuel to the already bursting flames. In this case, you should wait till after you work out your problems and you are both in a safe, happy space in the relationship.

  1. Everyone should be comfortable and included

Before engaging in a threesome, ensure that everyone is totally comfortable with each other. There is bound to be a certain awkwardness often caused by discomfort; however, this can be eliminated when you all feel connected, both emotionally and sexually. Also, one of the worst sexual experiences is feeling left out during a threesome. The same way no one wanted to be the last one picked for drama club or softball in high school is similar to the feeling of being forgotten in this scenario, and it sucks. Luckily, you can avoid this by going on a date with the other female and getting connected before getting down to business. This also helps everyone build sexual chemistry, which is very important in the bedroom.

Where to Find a Unicorn (Single female)

Once all the feelings surrounding the idea are addressed, the next step is where/how to find a willing unicorn, aka a single female. Certain social cues would let you know if the other female is down for the experience or not. For example, you could go to a bar with your partner and sit on opposite ends. Next, approach a female you both like and start flirting with her; after a while, your partner would join in and flirt with her as well. This should give her an idea of what you both want, and she will immediately agree to go home with you or walk away. Either way, you will get an answer almost immediately, which saves time if you have to find someone else. Also, after spending some time in this scene, it will be easier to pick out people who could be interested in your little escapade just off their energy and the vibe they give off. It would shock you to realize many couples are often in bars trying to find a new, willing recruit, so do not think you are alone.

You can also try swinger dating sites. These sites are designed for all kinds of swingers to meet, but you have to be clear about your intentions to make sure you connect with someone that wants the same situation. Ensure you have clear body pictures of you and your partner, as this will make it easier and faster for the other female to make a decision. Also, don’t forget to take all necessary safety measures when inviting a stranger into your bed.

Another unpopular but plausible option is asking someone you both know. This might seem a bit messy, but it eliminates the time you would take to get to know a stranger and the awkwardness that comes with it. If the other person is into it, and everyone is comfortable, we do not see why this should not work. However, we understand it might hit a bit too close to home for some people.

Reconnecting with Your Partner Afterward

After a threesome, it can be tricky for some couples to reconnect immediately and act as nothing happened, and for others, it takes some time to accept what did happen. Some people even deal with feelings of disgust and guilt, especially when they did not have a proper discussion before the experience. Regardless of how you feel afterward, you must acknowledge what happened and find a way to reconnect with your partner.

A great way is to talk about how you both feel after the unicorn leaves. This focuses on both of you and your relationship, which is the center of everything. You can now discuss aspects like; Was it worth it? Was the experience satisfactory? Did you learn something new about each other?, Were you both comfortable throughout the experience? Will you remain in contact with your unicorn? And do you want to do it again? These questions are like a quality assessment procedure, and it helps if you are both completely honest with each other.

Reconnecting with your partner after a threesome is very important, and it can only be done through in-depth communication. Try your best to lay it all out and say exactly how you feel without mincing words. This exercise will help keep you both on the same page regarding threesomes moving forward.

Final Tips

Many people want to try threesomes but are scared of having a conversation with their significant other. If you are reading this, we say, let go of the fear and just ask! The worst you could get is a no, and you can move on from it.

A threesome between a couple and a unicorn will only be successful if everyone is on board with the idea and 100% comfortable with it. Communication is extremely crucial in this scenario, as assuming anything could be very dangerous for everyone involved. Being sensitive to everyone’s needs, attentive and loving is a great way to get the show off to a great start and have a very fulfilling experience with your partner and a lucky unicorn.



How to Have Sex When You’re in a Full House

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In a perfect world, we would all be able to have sex whenever the mood strikes, free of inhibition, obstacle, or obstruction. We would do it in the kitchen in the middle of the day, maybe in the living room at dusk. But for many of us, privacy is a luxury that we don’t quite have in our homes. Whether it be roommates, neighbors, kids, or other family members, plenty of sexually active adults live with other people.

So what do you do when you’re horny in a full house? How can you scratch your sexual itch when you don’t have the comfort of solitude? Fear not. There is hope for ye horny folk, yet. Here are some ways you can have sex in a full house while staying secretive.

Get steamy in the shower.

It might not be the most spacious setting, but bathrooms are the pinnacle of privacy when you’re living with others. You don’t have to worry about anyone bothering you or barging in as long as the shower is running and the door is locked. If you’re single, bring a water-safe toy with you and get a little dirty before you wash yourself clean. If you’re looking to have sex with a partner, the noise of the shower will likely drown out the sound—just go in and exit at separate times so no one knows what you’ve been up to.

Plus, shower sex lends itself to certain positions that you might skip over while getting it on elsewhere. Just remember to keep soap away from open orifices and that water does not double as lube.

Be an early riser.

If you’re into morning sex, set your alarm a bit earlier than you normally would. Wipe the sleep from your eyes, roll over, and get it in first thing in the morning. If you’re up before the sun, chances are you’ll be up before anyone else in the house too—just make sure your alarm isn’t so alarming that it would wake people in other rooms. (And remember not to hit the snooze so you don’t miss out on sexy time.)

Not a morning person? You can do the reverse and stay up long past everyone else’s bedtime. Either way, you’ll be having O’s while everyone else is catching Z’s.

Have sex off the bed.

Bed frames and box springs tell no lies when it comes to sex. That unmistakable sound of two bodies bouncing together in bed seems to permeate even the thickest walls and announce your love-making to the masses. But you can avoid the dreaded “creak creak creak” by doing your business on the floor!  Throw down some pillows for comfort, blankets for warmth, and sheets to protect you from rug burn, then bang it out on the ground.

You’ll be surprised at how much harder you can go when you don’t have to worry about the sturdiness of the structure you’re rocking on. You may have to muffle your moans with the pillows and keep the spanking to a minimum, but sometimes restrictions make sex all the more fun.

Be shameless.

Depending on the age of your housemates, consider being honest and upfront about your plans to get it on. You can relieve yourself of the worry of getting caught by putting it all out there in the first place. It might involve a touch of scheduling, but you would be surprised at how understanding people can be. Maybe your roommate can take a walk in the afternoon and leave the house available for your erotic romps. Maybe telling them will unlock a new level of bonding and respect that you didn’t suspect you could achieve.

Of course, be mindful of the nature of your relationships and do your best not to make others uncomfortable. But if we all start normalizing sex, the world would be a better and more pleasurable place.

Cohabitation is complicated, especially when it comes to sex. But where there’s a will, there’s a way to home base. With some planning, creativity, and a little communication, all your wildest sex dreams can come true, even if you’re living in a full house.



The Top Sex Myths

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If we’ve heard it once, we’ve heard it a zillion times:

“He’s experienced. He knows what he’s doing in bed.”

Or, “she’s not wet – she must not be into me.”

Or my personal favorite: “if you use a vibrator that much, isn’t a penis going to feel disappointing?

Even if we don’t say these things out loud, these are the kinds of sex myths that are so pervasive, they just feel true. That’s because we’ve all internalized a lot of limiting beliefs around sex and pleasure, simply by virtue of being human. Why? Because we (culture) are still getting comfortable discussing these topics at all. Just by being here, reading this article, you’re on the forefront of a movement: one that says it’s OK to talk about these things, and to understand why pleasure is important.

So first: good job you, for being curious! And secondly, let’s do some myth-busting. Because these are some of the most common assumptions about sex that trip a lot of people up, preventing them from having all the juicy pleasure they deserve. Even those of us who know better fall into these myths sometimes (guilty!), so a little refresher never hurts.

Here and now, the top 5sex myths you need to stop believing:

1. If you’ve slept with a lot of people, you’re better at sex

Tell me if this self-talk sounds familiar to you:

“If they’ve slept with 10 people, and I’ve slept with one, that means they are 10 times better at sex than I am.”

Good news: NOPE! You don’t arrive to a place where you are “good at sex.” Sex is like cooking: it’s the ingredients that go into the mix that make it a fantastic meal, and no two people are the same. Or to mix our metaphors: it’s improv jazz, every time.

Your number of past partners (aka, your “body count”) has no relevance on the person in front of you. But here’s what will improve your sexual interactions: paying attention to your partner’s pleasure. Being attuned to their body language. Taking the time to understand what you like (which can happen solo). Communicating what you want.

Sleeping with a lot of people doesn’t make you a player or a slut: these are old, judgmental ways of thinking that are hopefully fading. (Shoutout to vulva owners: having a lot of sex also doesn’t mean your muscles permanently stretch out. That’s a tired patriarchal myth tied up with virginity.) On the flip side: sleeping with a small amount of people doesn’t make you undesirable. It means you have lived your own unique life! So take this body count belief, and kindly put it in the psychological trash.

2. You shouldn’t need lube if you’re already turned on

Here’s the reality: lube makes it easier to orgasm. We’ll circle back to that one in a moment – but first, wetness.

Here’s what affects the body’s ability to produce natural lubrication:

  • Where you are in your cycle (in general, vulva owners are more wet when ovulating, less when they’re not)
  • Medication: birth controls, antidepressants, even allergy meds — all have the ability to affect wetness
  • Your age (hormones change as we get older, affecting our genital moisture)
  • If you’ve just had a baby (hormones)
  • Stress (again: hormones!)

As you can see, there are a ton of factors outside of arousal that dictate wetness. So many people take it personally when a partner isn’t wet…and assume they’re not turning them on enough. That’s why I’m here to tell you: normalize lube.

Sure, there may be an arousal issue here, warranting a deeper conversation. But if you’re both in the mood, and one person’s not wet – guess what? It’s nobody’s fault. In fact, during one study, 50% of folks reported that lube made it easier to orgasm! So grab a bottle and have fun. 

3. You can get addicted to a sex toy

…or another, related myth: your genitals will become desensitized to sex sensations, if you masturbate a lot.

You want to hear something cool? The opposite is actually true! Masturbating, whether you’re using a toy or not, activates our nerve endings on a regular basis, creating more neural pathways to pleasure. Boom shaka-laka.

Now then, can we create mental patterns around masturbation? Sure. We can get a little rote with our routine, simply because we know what works, and naturally, we want to do that thing over and over again. But we can fix that, by adding in a little variety: using a toy during penetration, edging, experimenting with your hands or a different toy.  (Might we suggest the Womanizer from We-Vibe? That pleasure air technology delivers OMG sensations like you’ve never experienced.)

In short: don’t worry about using a sex toy. You’re training your body for pleasure—you’re not getting addicted. 

4. Sex isn’t good if you don’t have an orgasm

Listen—orgasms are wonderful. Love ‘em! The hype is warranted. And: they are not the single metric of successful sex.

What’s important to remember here is that pleasure and orgasm are not the same thing. Pleasure is the journey: the connection, the touch, the intimacy, and the joy of simply exploring one another. But sometimes, we’re so focused on having (or “giving”) an orgasm, that we miss out on the richer pleasure piece. To quote Alanis Morissette…isn’t it ironic?

This belief is an outgrowth of the notion that “sex” is strictly PIV (penis in vagina). It’s…not. A lot of folks disassociate during sex as a result of this thinking, because we’ve been taught that everybody is supposed to orgasm during penetration. And then, we feel like failures if that doesn’t happen.

So here’s my advice: take orgasm off the table. Make presence the new goal. I think you’re going to have a lot more fun that way, and if an orgasm happens, awesome! If not, you’ll walk away still having released a ton of pleasure chemicals in your mind and body, because you weren’t caught up in the stress of HAVING to climax. 

5. Anal is only for gay men

Or, that it’s painful, or that you’re dirty, or that it’s bad for you.

Before we get into this one, know this: penis owners can experience prostate stimulation during anal, and it feels amazing. Also? Everyone, vulva owners included, can have booty orgasms. Here’s a comprehensive podcast episode where you can learn all about butt stuff with the expert herself: Alicia Sinclair, founder of B-vibe, THE resource for educational, sexy, and cute anal toys.

Returning back to the original myth though, we can quickly debunk it with simple science:

We all have an anus, we all have nerve endings inside our anus, and when stimulated properly, they feel wonderful. To experience those sensations, it’s helpful to prepare your sphincter muscles, because just like you wouldn’t pop into the splits without stretching your hamstrings — same goes for anal. It can be painful, if we’re not careful, but it doesn’t have to be. It’s also not dirty: here’s Dr. Evan Goldstein, explaining exactly how your colon stores waste, and how it doesn’t interfere with anal sex.

And finally…as we’ve hopefully established by now, anal isn’t just for gay men. Everyone’s got a booty. And everyone can utilize it for pleasure, if they so choose.

So there you have it: the top sex myths, debunked. Don’t you feel better, knowing that none of these things are true? They’ve just been repeated a lot! But armed with information, you know what to do: go forth, get your head in the game (wink wink), and have fun being liberated from stigma.



5 Tips For The Best Handjob

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Handjobs might be one of the most underrated sex moves out there. Perhaps that’s because a handjob is often associated with youth and immaturity. Maybe it’s something you did in your BF’s basement when you were in 10th grade. But despite its reputation, a good handjob can be a great way to change up your bedroom routine and variety and bring you closer to your partner.

Like many things, a solid handjob is all about delivery—no one wants a half-hearted handjob. There’s an art to it! To help you create a memorable and hands-on (sorry, couldn’t help it) sexual experience, we’ve assembled our top five tips for a great handjob. Let’s discuss:

1. Make it a full-body experience.

One of the best ways to dial up your handjob game is by gifting your partner a complete sensual experience. Light a few candles (we love massage candles), put on something sexy, and kick things off by giving your partner a full-body massage. Straddle them as they lie face down and rub their back, shoulders, and neck to create an aura of relaxation.

When you’re done rubbing their back, have them turn over for the rest of their massage. You might consider adding in some lube or oil to help make the experience slick n’ sexy.

2. Lube it up.

Speaking of lube, it’s a necessity in handjob land. Penises don’t self-lubricate, making it nearly impossible to give a good handjob without some form of lube. Add a few drops and feel free to generously reapply. Remember: friction is the enemy of the handjob and there’s no such thing as too much slip and slide.

There are so many different options you might consider; water-based or silicone is good if you plan on having penetrative sex right after the handjob, but oil might be fun if you’re having a hands-only experience.

3. Play with technique.

To help make the experience feel good for your partner, try playing with some new techniques and learn what they like best.

One recommendation is to use two hands. You don’t necessarily need to constantly use both of your hands at the same time, but double the handy-work is double the sensation. Wrap your hand(s) around the shaft and begin to gauge the pressure and rhythm that your partner likes the most. (You can typically tell by moans, the change in breathing patterns, etc.) Consider adding a few twisting motions, or a “milking” technique.

Another key element is the grip. Don’t clasp too hard; instead, keep a loose grip with your focus on movement. Occasionally graze your fingers over the head of the penis, frenulum, and scrotum. Some penis owners like it when you cup their balls, so see if they prefer a gentle versus firm hold. Switch between using your fingertips and your whole hand. You can also experiment with anal or nipple play simultaneously. Once you learn what your partner likes, you can repeat it over and over again.

4. Talk to it.

Handjobs don’t need to be a silent affair—you can use this as an opportunity to show off your dirty talk skills. We’re not saying you need to go into a full-fledged character (unless that’s what you want) but experiment with being more demure or dominating than normal. A little power play can really amplify the handjob experience as it incorporates the oh-so-fun element of control. If you want to hold extra power, try tying them up or incorporating some rules and punishments.

As for what to say, tell your partner you love how hard/big/hot they are or, if you have a vulva, how wet they’re making you. Make your partner feel relaxed and confident. Receiving any sort of pleasure makes you vulnerable and a little reassurance goes a long way.

5. Ask for a hand.

Remember, while a physiological response of arousal (like hardness or wetness) can be easy to see, the lack of hardness is not a direct reflection of how turned on your partner is—or how attractive they find you. If your partner is having trouble getting hard, don’t assume it’s you or that you’re doing something wrong. Instead, casually ask what they like, or even better, ask them to show you.

You might also consider implementing a vibrator—vibes feel good on penises too! With a low setting, run the vibe up and down your partner’s shaft. If they’re still feeling the pressure to get hard, use the toy on yourself and have them watch. Sometimes taking the pressure off really helps with arousal.

A handjob is what you make of it. So, if it’s been a while since you practiced your handjob skills, give it a try. It might even become your new go-to move with your partner.



How to Master These Awkward Positions

Written by Tolly Moseley on

Listen: missionary is fantastic (trust), but sometimes we all want to change it up a bit. And when we do, we reach in our back pocket of sex moves and pull out our experimental material: reverse cowgirl, interesting oral, 69, shower sex…you know, easy things. Not awkward at all,

Except, those ones in particular are actually not easy. They require a little practice, a little leverage, a little positioning—with results that are, at times, less hot AF and more WTF.

That’s why I’ve compiled a “cheat sheet” of pointers for your most asked-about sex positions. From, “how do I get my rhythm right in reverse cowgirl?” to, “how do I have shower sex without slipping and breaking my jaw?” This article provides a step-by-stepof some of the more challenging sex positions and how you can rock reverse cowgirl, oral, 69, and shower sex with as much pleasure (and as little awkwardness) as possible.

Reverse Cowgirl

Reverse Cowgirl is one of those positions that looks unbelievably hot but feels a little weird. Now let’s be clear: it’s great because 1) it provides a fantastic view of the booty, 2) the penetrating partner can place their hands on their partner’s hips, and 3) the person on top can set the rhythm. But setting the rhythm isn’t always easy, and if the person on top has a vulva, Reverse Cowgirl doesn’t necessarily provide clitoral stimulation. What’s a cowgirl to do?

To make this position fun for everyone, try this:

  • Start slow. If the penetrating partner has a penis, this position asks their suspensory ligaments to stretch slightly. So once the receiving partner has turned around, straddling their partner’s legs, have them lower down gradually. Before anyone starts thrusting, start with a slow rock.
  • Involve hands or a toy. In this position, the penetrating partner has an excellent opportunity to grab their partner’s hips or to prop themselves up on one elbow, and use the other hand to reach around. If you’re performing anal play and the receiving partner has a penis, you can use the freehand for digital stimulation. If the receiving partner has a vulva, the freed-up fingers can stimulate the clitoris with their fingers or a toy. Options!
  • Check yourself out. While the bottom partner has an A+ shot of the butt, the view isn’t as exciting for the person on top. So how about doing it in front of a mirror? That way, the top partner can check out the action via their reflection, and PS – research shows that this is a huge turn-on for vulva owners.
  • Try a seated variation. Instead of trying it on the bed, you can also practice reverse cowgirl in a chair or on the edge of a bed. In this position, the penetrating partner sits down, feet touching the floor, while the receiving partner sits on their lap, facing forward. This variation is preferable for many, because the penetrating partner is nice and close (and can use their hands to play with breasts or pecs), and if they have a penis, it’s a little easier on their ligaments…keeping things sexy and safe.

Oral Sex: Kivin Method, Facesitting and 69

Okay, oral sex isn’t necessarily a “position”—but maybe you want to simply change your oral game up a bit. Here are my top tips for making oral an unforgettable experience:

Kivin Method

This method differs from traditional oral sex, in that the giver actually lays perpendicular to their partner, at a 90-degree angle, making a capital ‘T’ with their bodies. So instead of looking upwards at the clit, you’re looking at it sideways. Experiment with what side you approach from because most clitorises have a side that is more sensitive than the other. (Science!)

You can tackle this positioning in a few different ways. Choose what works best based on your physical comfort, as well as the receiver’s sensitivity preference. If the vulva owner enjoys being widely spread for maximum stimulation, suggest they bend their knees and pull their legs back, for more intense stimulation.

The trick with this snazzy move is that you’re licking horizontally (instead of the usual vertical direction) across the hood of the clit in a gentle up and down motion, much like you’d eat an ice cream cone. That said, try a few different variations with your tongue to hone in on exactly what your partner likes: the Kivin Method hits more nerve endings than traditional oral, so this should be a fun experiment for both of you.


When done correctly, face-sitting can be extremely pleasurable (and erotic) to the person on top. But some folks get so nervous about hurting or suffocating their partner, that they avoid it altogether. Au contraire! You can pull this off safely. Here’s how:

  • Kneel into it.  Rather than face-sitting, think of this position more like face-kneeling. Position yourself over your partner by straddling their chest with your knees and scoot forward until you’re in place.
  • Use the headboard. You can also have your partner lie closer to a headboard (or for our exhibitionists: a window sill), so you can put your hands on it for extra support. This way, you can distribute your weight with your legs, knees, and arms.
  • Play with control. If you’re the “top,” your partner can lie completely still while you do all the moving, grinding as hard or soft as you want on their face, and doing motions that feel the best for you. (The advantage being: your partner won’t strain their jaw). OR, switch roles. Try it where you’re completely still on top, while your partner goes to work…and you’re freed up to focus on the sensations. They can also use a hand to pleasure themselves at the same time, because why not? Either way, be sure to communicate and check in with your partner, to ensure everyone is comfortable.


We’ll admit: we used to be one of those people who didn’t “get” the excitement around 69. Because while porn has made it look like one of those totally effortless positions, the truth is, it’s a lot of work! And can feel less like sex, more like multitasking.

However, there are hacks for making 69 waaaay more accessible, and now that we’ve tried these, we one hundred percent get the hype. So if you want to upgrade your 69 games, try this:

  • Lay side-by-side. One of the things that make 69 feel difficult is the physical mobility of the position itself. Being backward and on top of your partner (or vice versa) sometimes feels like a game of Twister. Instead, try lying next to one another on your sides, so that both you and your partner can access one another with more ease. Ah, that’s better! Now that you’re relaxed, start with some gentle teasing, gradually increasing the intensity.
  • Use your hands. Who says you have to solely use your mouth for 69? If your jaw gets sore or there’s simply too much to think about, try the “handy dandy:” one person performs oral, one person performs a hand job. You can also bring in toys, like tiny bullet vibrators or strokers. Not only do these give your hands and mouth a welcome break, they create their own novel sensations – instantly elevating the experience.
  • Distribute the effort. Just because you’re both working at the same time doesn’t mean you need to be giving or receiving with the same amount of effort continuously. 69 is a give-and-take: you can take turns giving, while they lay back and receive, and vice versa. This might result in some exciting “edging” play, allowing you both to experience the tease, build-up, and release.

Shower Sex

Hot water, naked bodies, and a steamy, slippery environment? What could go wrong??

Shower sex is super-pleasurable, provided no one’s hurting themselves. So here’s how to approach your shower (and your partner) with confidence: 

  • Play with your positioning. It’s no secret that one of the most common issues with shower sex is positioning. So for starters, try the classic bend-over: one partner stands in front of the other, facing away and bending over slightly. The other partner stands behind them, and either uses their penis or a strap-on to enter doggy-style. Depending on the size of the shower, the person in front can put their hands on the wall to help balance.
  • Get handsy.  You can also experiment with oral and hand play. If you’re using your hands, stand and enjoy some super hot mutual masturbation. Opting for oral? Simply take turns getting on your knees, giving your partner a wet trip to pleasure town.
  • Use what you’re working with. Different folks, different strokes, different showers. Much of your positioning will depend on what sort of shower you have. If you’re in a shower with a bathtub (and the tub is big enough), consider laying down with one partner on top of the other while letting the warm water cascade down your body. Have a removable showerhead? Because it’s money on the clitoris. Take turns getting wet and turned on with it, and if you finish, guess what? Clean-up is a snap.
  • Use the right accessories. Did you know that a ton of today’s sex toys are waterproof? Some toys even have suction cups that you can adhere to the wall for easy play and accessibility, which is genius on several levels.


If you partake, don’t forget your silicone lube! Silicone lubes are waterproof, meaning they won’t wash off until you want them to—just make sure you’re not mixing them with a silicone toy, since it can degrade the toy itself. If you want an oil lube, go for Foria’s Sex Oil. Also, take care that no lube gets on the floor, because shower sex is slippery enough, right? Keep your feet stable and your toys (not the floor) lubricated.

There you have it: your most challenging sex positions made easier. With these tips, we think you’re going to feel a lot more excited to experiment—because, at the end of the day, sex should feel like play, not a physics test. Have fun trying something new, and unleashing all the pleasure possible.



12 Tips to Revive a Stale Sex Life

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Nothing in life lasts forever, and sometimes that includes mind-blowing, life-changing sex. We’re not saying that it’s impossible to rekindle the flame after the initial spark has gone out (please don’t mind the excessive fire metaphors). But with busy work schedules, families, and general life chaos, it can be hard to keep things as sexy as they were at the beginning of your relationship. As NRE (or new relationship energy) fades, so can the sex—so it’s important to find ways to prioritize your pleasure as a couple and spice it up.

Our number one tip when it comes to bringing back some of the OG heat is variety. In other words, adding something new to your sexual routine breaks up the monotony of the same ol’ thing day in and day out. Here are some sex tips for getting started.

1) Bring in some reinforcement (toys).

If you haven’t introduced sex toys into your bedroom, consider this a sign. There are so many myths associated with sex toys…they can de-sensitize your vulva or they’re purely for solo play. Nope and nope. If sex is ice cream, then toys are like sprinkles—they aren’t necessary for sex, but they do make things a little more fun.

We’re obsessed with the toys from Dame wellness. The Eva from Dame is a wearable, hands-free vibe that’s designed for couple’s play. Simply tuck its flexible wings underneath you or your partner’s labia to add clitoral stimulation to penetrative sex. We’re also big fans of Dame’s Fin, a finger vibe that adds all sorts of delicious buzzy sensations to sexy time. Most vulva-owners need some kind of clitoral stimulation to orgasm, and adding a toy to do just that is a great way to make sex more pleasurable and possibly exciting.

2) Find some shared kinks.

If you and your partner have been together for a while, you might be stuck in the same ol’ “sex routine.” And while it’s totally fine to have go-to positions, bringing something different into the bedroom is one of the best ways to revive your sex life. Meet our Yes, No, Maybe Guide. By filling out a little sexual questionnaire together, you can consider new kinks or reaffirm the things you want to try. Most people find that completing the Yes, No, Maybe Guide gives them a long list of exciting new sexual activities. Give it a try and fill up your calendar with all sorts of exciting sexual adventures, whether that’s roleplay, bathing together, or experimenting in BDSM.

3) Tighten up your pelvic floor.

Your pelvic floor muscle is crucial for solid sexual health, so strengthening it can often lead to a more satisfying sex life. Stronger pelvic floor=stronger orgasms, baby! We recommend practicing your kegels regularly and you can opt for a device that even does your exercise for you. The Yarlap is an award-winning device that uses auto-kegel technology to help work out your pelvic muscles. It’s proven to help with incontinence, and whatever your age, leads to better, more intense orgasms. If you’re bad at remembering to work out (you’re not alone), the Yarlap helps because it literally does your kegels for you. Have fun—the rewards are worth it. Bonus: Sex With Emily readers get $30 off with the code EMILY.

4) Incorporate CBD.

If your sex life feels “meh” because you’re struggling with stress, getting turned on, or experiencing pain during sex, CBD might be a great option to revive your sex life. Whereas other forms of cannabis give you a body and a mental high, CBD works to help ease anxiety and give your body a more calm, “ahhh” feeling. When used as a topical on your genitals, it can help stimulate blood flow, which is a key component in fueling the physical sensations of desire.

We’re obsessed with Foria, which offers an almost magical range of products featuring CBD and made with clean ingredients. Their intimacy line has a stellar lineup of  Arousal Oil, Intimacy Suppositories, Sex Oil, and Bath Salts. You can even buy in bundles to combine products for a relaxing (but totally erotic) sexual experience. Spa night=sex night. Bonus Sex With Emily readers get 20% off with the code EMILY.

Right now, 10% of the proceeds will go to the Audre Lorde Project, an LBTQIA+ BIPOC community in NYC.

5) Have sex outside.

There’s something about sex outside that can unlock a person’s primal side. If you can snag privacy, try having sex while on a hike, on a camping trip, or on a balcony. You can also opt for your backyard or even the backyard of your next Airbnb. Regardless of the location, having sex somewhere new, especially when it’s outside, feels spontaneous, playful, and 100% hot. (Sounds like a valid reason to book a getaway if you ask us.)

6) Increase your stamina.

It’s common for sex, libido, and stamina to all fluctuate with time and age. Specifically, some penis owners might experience premature ejaculation, or not “lasting as long” as they’d like. And while this can often feel like a huge roadblock in your sexual relationship, there are lots of ways to increase your stamina and go for as long as you and your penis desire. Promescent’s “delay spray” is one of those go-to products for a lot of men. It’s a great way to experience all the sensations of sex without finishing before you’re ready.

7) Amp up the dirty talk.

Never underestimate the power of your words—especially when it comes to sex. Lots of people love when their partners get vocal about their pleasure but some may refrain from speaking up because they aren’t sure what to say. The more you practice dirty talk, the easier it becomes. Start by describing how good something feels or letting your partner know how much you love it when ________________ (fill in the blank with sexy act here). Getting into the habit of talking dirty is one of the easiest ways to increase the heat and revive sex life because it’s something you can literally start doing tonight. Try it out! Odds are, your partner will love it.

8) Plan a staycation.

You don’t need to fly to Maui for the best sex of your life—you can do it all in your hometown. Finding a great hotel or Airbnb just to simply get away for a night or two (without really getting away) is such a simple way to prioritize your pleasure and connect on a deeper level with your partner. So often we get stuck in the same work, eat, sleep routine that it takes some effort to break the mold and do something different. Enter a staycation. Pick a spot you two have been meaning to try and have sex in a brand new location.

9) Experiment with roleplay.

You can also add variety to and revive your sex life by pretending to be someone else. Roleplay is hot AF because it gives us the opportunity to see our partner in a new way, experiment with power dynamics, and embody a new energy. Classic scenarios include teacher/student, masseuse/client, CEO/secretary, and bartender/customer, but we won’t limit you. Use your imagination and slip into a sexy alter-ego.

10) Edge your way to stronger orgasms.

For this, it’s all about the antici…pation! Edging can help prolong your sexual experience, as well as make your orgasms stronger to revive your sex life and the spark in your relationship. In order to edge, think of sexual stimulation between a 1–10; 1 being when you’re not aroused, and 10 when you get to the bang of an orgasm. Focus on how close you get to that 10, but don’t reach it entirely. Try to get back to a 3 or 4 and regain control. Once you’ve done this a few times, reaching an orgasm feels way more intense. For more tips on how to edge, check out our Edging Guide—located here.

11) Send a dirty text.

There’s nothing better than seeing a dirty text in public and blushing–the feeling of being naughty is a core erotic fantasy within many of our sexual fantasies. By introducing the idea of sex in the middle of the day, you and your partner will have sex and arousal at the top of your mind and be more open to it later. It can be as innocent as texting your partner that you’re looking forward to being together later…. And it can be as naughty as sending a “sneak peek” in your birthday suit or describing (in detail) what you want to do to them.

12) Watch porn together.

Have you ever wondered what type of porn your partner watches? We often think of watching porn as a solo activity, but having your partner join can be an incredibly erotic experience to revive your sex life. Knowing what visually arouses your partner can be beneficial to know what makes your partner tick. You don’t have to be into the same things, and it might even be awkward at first. But once you start to explore (Bellesa Plus has some incredible options) you might find yourselves being turned on by the experience and learning new ways to arouse one another.



How To Lick The Clitoris The Right Way

Oral sex on a woman can be tricky, because the clitoris is just so sensitive. Use these simple but effective techniques to lick your girl into an orgasm frenzy!

Why You’re Probably Licking Her Clitoris The WRONG Way

Most women respond well to clitoral stimulation outside the clitoral hood. The clitoris is often much too sensitive to handle direct stimulation. Many guys, however, go gung ho right on her clitoris itself, which can be really uncomfortable!

An outside approach works best – after all, the protection of the clitoral head is exactly what the hood was designed to do. There’s no need to go digging around underneath the clitoral hood with your tongue to find the head – this will only cause extreme discomfort and in some cases, even pain.

Don’t forget, however, that you must also develop a rhythm and keep it, especially close to orgasm. Keeping that in mind, let’s go over some of the correct tongue techniques in more detail.

Sweeping Your Tongue Across The Clitoris

This move is great! It simply feels wonderful to a woman and should be a staple of any oral sex routine. It is a fairly easy move – position your tongue on either the right or left side of the clitoris and move from side to side as though you were sweeping a floor.

Clitoral Circles

This too is one of the best and most pleasurable clitoral techniques in cunnilingus. You’ll want to use this one a lot, because it can rarely get boring! The technique is somewhat self-explanatory – again, you’ll position your tongue either to the left or right of your partner’s clitoris. You will begin to move your tongue in circles, either in a clockwise or counter-clockwise motion.

This feels excellent when your partner is fairly aroused because it gives the clitoris plenty of stimulation outside the hood where it is well-received, but once your tongue gets to the 6:00 position on the “clock,” she will get a lovely preview of your tongue on her sensitive clitoral head – but not so much that it is uncomfortable.

Light Suction On The Clitoris

This is a move that is best performed when your partner is sufficiently aroused. Suction too early in the game may turn her off completely by putting too much pressure on her sensitive parts too soon.

You’ll want to take her clitoris gently into your mouth and lightly suck on it – much as though you were drinking from a straw. Remember; don’t get too rough with this move! This can be easy to do, so it is very important that you pay attention to your partner’s cues and movements. If she seems to be shrinking away before her orgasm, lighten up on the suction or discontinue sucking at all.

Remember Your ABC’s

You might have heard of this oral sex technique before, but then again, you might have not. This may quite possibly be the best technique out there, so listen up!

It may sound funny, but you’ll once again position your tongue (a pointed one works best here) either to the side or at the top of her clitoris and begin using your tongue to draw your ABC’s. Yes, you heard right.

This gives your partner a clitoral sensation similar to that of the circular stroke (most of the movement is performed outside of the clitoral hood while just a few strokes end up contacting the clitoral head itself) and simply feels divine to your partner. But wait a second!

If the sensations are really all that similar to the circular strokes, why even do the ABC strokes at all? Well, there’s the money question. The ABC stroke is as powerful as it is because it gives just the right amount of contact to both the clitoral hood and the clitoral head while mixing things up. You get the best of all the worlds – perfect contact, an excellent rhythm but here’s the rub – no two strokes are exactly the same. The different letters that you’ll be tracing with your tongue allow for enough variation to keep your partner guessing and on the edge – of orgasm! Very few men with sufficiently warmed up partners have made it all the way to the letter Z.

The Messy Eater

This is a tricky one, although it may not sound like it at first.

Basically, this move encompasses all the other techniques (such as tongue circles or gentle vacuum suction) but in somewhat of a “smorgasbord” fashion. You’ll want to use an oral sex position where you cradle both legs in your arms (her thigh will be in the crease of your elbow and your hands should come up around and rest on her hip bones) and…well, dig in!

This is a move where attitude really pays off – you’ve got to act like you’re hungry and you just can’t get enough of it. On the same token, however, you’ve still got to keep in mind that the clitoris is very sensitive and although you may be going at it like you’re at a pie-eating contest, you don’t want to go caveman on her and rough her up. Keeping a balance between the two is really what makes this move worthwhile.