Category: Lifestyle News


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With the rise in popularity of BDSM and all things kink, there are also a lot of misconceptions going around. Unfortunately, some of the recent movies about BDSM (not naming names *cough*) miss the mark on the cornerstone principles of BDSM for most kinksters.

The principles of BDSM can be extremely beneficial for even the most vanilla couple – even if you’re not ready to implement any of the kinky aspects.

Today we are going to open pandora’s box and let all the kink out, and explore how you can make BDSM work for you.


First things first, consent is extremely important in any relationship, regardless of the type of sex life you’d like to have. While some people worry conversation around consent might kill the mood, it can actually be very erotic. Sexual and romantic preferences often change over time – and can even fluctuate with our hormones – so it’s good to regularly check in with your sexual partners (and yourself).

BDSM encourages regular, open dialogue around sexual preferences, creating a safe container for communicating. Plus, this practice enhances intimacy and increases sexual satisfaction. Have you ever wished your partner let you have more time on top? Maybe have sex in your car, or try a butt plug? Well communication is often lubrication, so get talking before you get down! If your partner is curious about something that you aren’t interested in, it’s perfectly fine to tell them so. Regardless of kink, boundaries are an extremely important part of any healthy relationship.

For the kink curious: try writing down a list of your sexual preferences, desires, and boundaries. Then, rank them from 1-5 – 1 being ‘curious to try’ and 5 being ‘want everyday!’ Have your partner do the same, and see how you match up. Is there something new you’ve both been wanting to try? Dip your toes in together. Try lighting a few candles to set the mood, and surprise your partner by dripping some DONA massage candle all over them!

If you’re not that interested in incorporating BDSM in your relationship, even just showing your partner how they could best pleasure you is a wonderful gift to you both. It’s completely fine if your preferences and desires change day to day, just keep communicating them to your partner.


One of the main challenges many couples face is meeting or missing each others expectations. With BDSM, there are no more hidden meanings, confusing glances, and subtle hints. The expectations are clearly laid out.

Once each person has made their list of desires, preferences, and boundaries, they can compare them together, and look for the compatibilities. Once you can communicate in a clear and loving way about what you’d like out of your sexual relationship, you can work on what would be reasonable expectations for each other.

For the lovely vanilla readers, try talking openly with your partner about your sexual expectations, and see where you may have been missing some puzzle pieces. For the more sexually adventurous readers, why not try making a BDSM contract together? You can make a formal statement of your expectations from your partner, and even sign it Master/slave, or Owner/pet, or any other identifier you can dream up.

If you’re anything like me, you might not even get to the end before you’re jumping into bed! If you’re curious about Bondage, but not sure where to start, try the Under The Bed Restraint System from Sportsheets to experiment with some restriction play, without needing your boy scouts knot badge!


Now that you have done all your theoretical work, it’s time to get into the delicious hands-on portion of your BDSM education. Spend some time tonight exploring each others fantasies and desires.

Continual sexual exploration within a relationship can keep the flame of passion burning for many years to come (or cum), and having a safe place to explore your sexual desires, regardless of how kinky they are, is a beautiful experience. Try blindfolding your partner and let your hands roam wildly.


One of the most important, and sadly often overlooked aspects of BDSM, is aftercare. Aftercare is the process of soothing, nurturing, and loving your partner after an intimate session. This should be specific to the individuals involved, and may involve stroking and cuddling, snacks and fuzzy blankets, and conversation to process the experience.

Even if you’re not unchaining your lover from the wall and putting your whips away, having the opportunity to debrief after a sexual encounter can increase intimacy and raise oxytocin, the “love and bonding” hormone. For both vanilla and kinky readers, devote some extra time to your sexual aftercare this week. You can thank me later.

* * *

The principles of BDSM aim to keep sexual encounters safe, sane, and consensual, but they can also deeply enrich any sexual relationship, regardless of how much kink your actually incorporate into your sex life. At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter how kinky or not your sex life is, as long as you are loving it!



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Overcoming 4 Common Fears

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“Fear is the mind-killer.”

It’s one of my favorite quotes in the world, from Dune (and its author, Frank Herbert). Not only is it artful – it’s accurate. Fear does kill off part of our mind, temporarily: when we’re scared, the outer layer of our brain shuts down. And it, the prefrontal cortex, is responsible for logic and reason. So when it goes offline, what we’ve got left is the emotional center: aka, freakout mode. 

As you and I both know, being emotional is human…but, it’s not always the best state to make a decision. 

That’s why sex fears are so common, because sex demands vulnerability – and for a lot of us, that’s scary. But sex fears (and freakouts) can be healed, especially as we release any old, shameful programming we got about sex when we were younger. I talked about these fears on my podcast recently, but here are 4 of the most common ones – plus, how you can heal them. 

Fear of rejection 

At a bar, on an app, or simply initiating sex with your partner 

Oh, what a fun fear this is: you put yourself out there, you show interest in someone…only to be met with a “no thank you.” (Or worse.) 

The interesting thing about rejection, sexual or otherwise, is that it’s a universal human experience. And yet, it can feel so personal, like there’s something wrong about you specifically: not cute enough, not sexy enough, not whatever enough to get this person’s attention…whether it’s a stranger, or your own partner.

Try: Remembering it’s probably not personal

At the end of the day, none of us are entitled to anyone’s attention. But when our interest isn’t reciprocated, it’s usually not personal. That person you tried to talk to at a bar, or on an app? Maybe they declined because they’re not in the headspace to engage right now. Or, maybe they declined because there wasn’t a spark. That’s OK! There will be a spark with someone. And when it’s your partner, maybe they turned down sex because they’re tired, stressed out, or just not feeling sexy. When we remember it’s not personal, it’s easier to have a conversation with our partner, and check in with them on how they’re doing more generally. Often, this compassion creates the easy, free space required for desire to flow. 

Fear of body judgment 

That they won’t like your body or they will be grossed out by your period

It’s one of the most common fears I hear about, as a sex educator. 

“What if I’m on my period, and it grosses out my partner?” Or: “what if my partner sees my small penis, and decides they’d rather not have sex?” Or: “what if my partner sees me naked, and doesn’t like what they see?”

These fears tend to lessen their grip, once we realize they were programmed into us by other people (advertising, porn, childhood experiences, etc.). Period sex? Put down a towel. Penis size? Penetration by a penis isn’t the thing that helps vulva owners orgasm anyway. (And if you’re doing anal play, there are a wide variety of toys out there.) Getting naked for the first time? Your partner has probably already thought about it – and tbh, they’re probably really excited. 

Try: Finding role models

Social media can have all KINDS of downsides, but one of the really great benefits is that it allows you to do an end-run around mainstream media. You know, the magazines, TV shows, movies or even porn that told you for years what an attractive body looked like, or how gross periods were, etc. etc. 

Here’s a secret: none of that is true. It’s just a matter of opinion.

So take out any social media content that inflames those insecurities, and sub in role models (or other uplifting content) that showcase your concerns in a positive, sexy light. By giving your brain new inputs around desire, attractiveness, and so on, we can shed any past programming that made us feel insecure – because remember, advertising works in part by exploiting insecurities. Instead, welcome in content that reminds you that your body (and its very normal functions) are already sexy.

Fear of sharing a fantasy, fetish, or turn-on with a partner 

…And they’ll be weirded out by it

This fear can usually be characterized as, “will they think I’m a freak?” Because whether it’s a certain type of porn you enjoy, a very specific fantasy, or a unique fetish, I do understand how sharing it out loud can feel scary. We’re worried that the other person will look at us with big eyes, mutter, “uh…yikes,” and back away slowly. 

Good news: they probably won’t, if you’ve taken the time to build a trusting container around your existing connection. 

Try: Talking about it out loud

Once you’ve already established trust with someone, you can say to them: “hey, we’re getting closer to each other, and honestly I really love it. I was wondering if I could share a turn-on with you, and see how you feel about it? No pressure to try it, unless you want to.”

By framing your turn-on in the context of intimacy, you’re giving your partner a compliment: “you’ve made me feel trusted and secure, so I feel comfortable opening up to you a bit more.” That’s why I recommend soothing this fear after a bit of time has passed, and by being explicit that there’s no pressure to actualize it together, unless they’re interested. 

Fear of not moving on 

…And that you’ll never get over your ex

So much of the time, an ex partner represents not only certain qualities we find attractive, but a certain period in our lives. They make us remember who we were back then, what we were discovering and experiencing, and how they helped tell that story. Cue nostalgia…and possibly, tears.

When we feel stuck, like we just can’t get over an ex no matter what, it’s definitely helpful to welcome in new potential partners (if you aren’t doing so already): people who are attractive to us NOW, people who resonate with who we are NOW, people who can help us tell a story about our life now. In the meantime, though, there is a potential cure for obsessive thoughts. 

Try: Meditation

Meditation trains our brain to align with the present moment, and become alive to what’s actually happening around us. Think of it like a muscle: most of us don’t have a lot of “muscle memory” around connecting to the present, and noticing what’s going on here and now. But through meditation, we train our brain to get itself unstuck from the past (or the future), and to become more mindful of where we are at this exact point in time. 

Sex fears can best be understood as intimacy fears, because we’re opening up in front of someone, and showing them who we are. But by being intentional with our daily habits, and improving our communication skills, we usually find that fears lessen their grip – leaving you to feel freer, more comfortable with intimacy, and way more open to nourishing sexual pleasure. 



How to Have Sex While Traveling

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“Hark, the herald angels sing…” And by “angels,” I mean you, having sex at your relatives’ house, singing in ecstasy. Except…no.

You want privacy. I get it. You want a silent night, even while getting yours in the night. (Or morning. Or afternoon. Whenever you like!)

Having sex while traveling requires a bag of tricks, including the means to enjoy pleasure quietly – but also, knowing how to travel with toys, which items to pack, and most importantly, how to have sex in small spaces. So let’s talk through all the ways to do it in rooms that are not your own because if there’s one thing we can all agree on, sex and the ears of our parents (or nephews or grandparents or fifth cousins) do not mix. But that doesn’t mean you have to forego – you just need some hacks, while you pleasure yourselves in your old twin bed after a night of wholesome board games.

Here now, the top do’s and don’ts for itinerant pleasure: 

DO feel good about packing your sex toys.

In the U.S., sex toys are approved by TSA for travel in both carry-on and checked bags. So when you’re packing, know that any toy you pack is probably fine. This brings us to…

DO choose peace and quiet. 

If you’re masturbating, the peace part will take care of itself (wink wink). But as for quiet? That’s when we want to be strategic, and bring a toy that specifically boasts its low volume.

If you’re a vulva owner and residing in a communal space (Christmas at your great aunt’s house), you can’t go wrong with a toy like the JeJoue Mimi. It has an internal motor set to low frequency, with a signature “rumble” – meaning, you’re likely to feel the vibes deeper in your body, hitting more pleasure points. But since it’s less buzzy than a traditional vibrator, it’s also more discreet, aaand it’s waterproof.  We’re especially obsessed with JeJoue’s Naughty Gift Set which includes the Mimi PLUS a massage candle, a blindfold and restraint, and an intimate game of truth or dare. (For when everyone else has gone to bed…)

DO have sex in the shower.

I mean, why not? You probably went to bed at 9:00pm after Elf and Yahtzee. How about you wake up early before everyone else, head to the shower with your friends (partner and sex toy) and come down to breakfast ready for the day? Taking on the world, folks! But in all seriousness, shower sex = silent sex, because the noise helpfully drowns everything out. And it’s a sensual environment. AND you have afore-mentioned waterproof vibes. Great sex tip, or greatest sex tip?

DO consider a hotel.

Look at you, being so cosmopolitan! For real though, if the host home is cramped, why not take a glamorous night to yourselves? Even if it’s a “glamorous” Best Western? Sex in unfamiliar places is just plain exciting, and with this kind of privacy, you can indulge however you like.

DON’T forget to lock the door.

OK, pretend we’re back to the OG holiday plan: you’re at your relatives house, you’re ready to get laid, everyone else is on a walk. Let’s do it! But please, for the love of Santa’s reindeer lock that door, so as to avoid being walked in on (horrors). When you’re in the heat of the moment, it’s easy to not hear things…like the front door opening…like Grandma looking for you guys…like the door knob turning…yeahhh. Let’s avoid this nightmare-slash-rom com, and lock that door.

DON’T overlook fun “extras.”

Let’s talk all the other little ways you can make travel sex extra dreamy.

Are you packing lube? Of course you are. Just make sure it’s in a 3.4 oz (or less) container if you’re flying. Are you packing underthings that make you feel sexy? Do it! Try wrapping them up in your regular clothes, if you don’t want them being discovered by curious nephews and nieces. Are you packing your phone charger? I imagine so, but you’ll definitely want it if you use your phone for music or other “ambient noise” while you play. (So as to prevent the very unfortunate situation of approaching orgasm, and having your phone suddenly die.)

DON’T be afraid of car sex.

You mean to tell me you’ve never given your partner a thorough and significant tour of your hometown?? Why not offer one, just the two of you? Heck, who needs stuff at the grocery store? You guys can get it! On the way, park somewhere discreet and…you know what to do. (Just make sure you actually do go to the grocery store and don’t return to the house blissfully empty-handed.)

DON’T forget to clean up.

After you’ve successfully sexed, do the courteous thing and clean up all evidence. Yes, you are an adult with a vibrant, adult sex life, but also…you’re still your parents’ precious baby. Forever. Help them not see your flavored condoms, and tidy up.

Untethered from our normal routines, the holidays are an awesome time to have sex. So enjoy the bon vivant energy! Now you’ve got a prep list, so your sex-on-the-go can be as adventurous as you are.



3 Tips for Lasting Longer in Bed

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There are certain times in life where shorter is always better, like taking a trip to the DMV. But when it comes to the bedroom, we’re here to help you last as long as you like. If there’s one thing most people are dying to know, it’s how “normal” they are compared to everyone else. There is no “normal” but we do know the average post-foreplay romp lasts between 7 and 9 minutes. This can be great for penis-owners, who typically only need about 5 minutes to get to the finish line. Although, sometimes it’s nice to have the option to last longer in bed. While the orgasm gap is alive and well, there’s nothing to fear. Check out these 4 tips for lasting longer in bed.

Try using a delay spray.

When you’re the penetrator, getting a little over-excited is totally understandable. Whether it’s a natural reaction or due to something more biological, the answer could lie in a delay spray’s magic. A topical product engineered to prolong ejaculation, Promescent is a game-changing elixir for not only those who experience premature ejaculation but anyone who wants to last longer in bed, period. With just a few spritzes and ten minutes of wait time, the formula absorbs just below the skin’s surface; this is where all of the key nerve endings that control climax happen to dwell. In return, it numbs your member just enough to tack on a few extra, confidence-boosting minutes to your sultry love session. And, it won’t transfer to your partner either!

Play with edging.

Teasing to please, orgasm control, the art of antici…pation—whatever you want to call it, the practice of edging can be a slow-burning solution to all your uncontrollably hasty woes. By delaying your orgasm multiple times during sex or masturbation, you’re lengthening the experience while repeatedly flexing all of those pelvic floor muscles. And since we know toned PC’s equal increased stamina to last longer in bed as well as stronger orgasms, you can build your way up to a fiery grand finale, unlike anything you’ve ever experienced.

Slow things down.

Whether consciously or not, the more you obsess about finishing, the more focus you lose on maximizing pleasure along the way. Instead, try savoring the moment and being truly present with your partner. Even practicing something as simple as breathing provides the chance to center yourself. It helps to not stress about the pressure of how “fast” you are (or aren’t) performing. By paying attention to every touch and move, and all the sensations that each elicits, you’re bound to find even more enjoyment in the experience that also happens to last longer in bed, too.

There’s no denying the fun that comes with being able to last longer in bed and the accompanying perks like boosted sexual confidence, satisfaction, and intimacy. So, if you’re looking for an erotic extension to get your sex life on a more fulfilling track, give these tips a shot.



5 Types of Arousal

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Let’s talk about a sexy – but often misunderstood – aspect of the sexual experience: arousal.

Why misunderstood? Because we have a tendency to conflate “arousal” with “desire.” The two are related, but there’s a crucial difference: desire is a psychological wanting, but arousal is a bodily event.  And to desire anything – be it a person or a piece of chocolate cake – there is always a beat between the wanting, and the satisfaction.

In fact, what gives desire its heat is a little bit of mystery, where we hope and wonder if it’ll actually happen… the “it” being anything, like sex with someone we’re attracted to. Or, eating that chocolate cake.

But where desire is about motivation, arousal is about preparation. Desire moves you to act, while arousal is your body getting you ready for whatever appealing thing is about to happen. When you’re sexually aroused, you might feel:

  • Your breath quickening
  • Your heart speeding up
  • Your blood flowing to various erogenous zones, and those zones becoming more sensitive

Now, why is this all helpful for sex? Because once you know your arousal style, you can work with it more effectively to get in the mood for sex. You can know with more clarity, “OH, this kind of situation turns me on,” and you can then apply that knowledge to your future sexual encounters.

In truth, the science of sexual arousal is ever-evolving. But let’s take a look at five sexual arousal styles that are pretty common, to help you determine which one you (and/or your partner) are. I’ve also included quick hacks under each, to help you take each arousal style and make it an IRL sexy situation.

1. Arousal Through Conversation

This is the person who loves talking, relating, laughing together, and creating an emotional connection as their lead-in to sex. It’s important for this person to feel safe, relaxed, and like there’s been sufficient time to catch up with each other before any touching occurs. But as the conversation progresses, it could be a moment of sustained eye contact, a moment of giggling together, a moment of relating…that starts to get their juices flowing.

To hack it…

  • Have a sit-down date, without a ton of outside distractions. Choose a place where you and your partner can sink in, catch up, and focus on each other.
  • Ask questions, lead with curiosity, and share thoughtful responses: all ways to help someone who’s more conversational feel more connected to you.
  • You can open up light, by simply asking: “tell me about your day?” Then you can progress to something more suggestive, such as: “I have a few ideas about what we can do after this. But I’d love to hear what you’re in the mood for.”

2. Arousal Through Touch

This is the person who wants to hug, brush your arm, hold hands, and make tons of skin contact as they get ready for sex. They are not physically stand-off-ish at all, and it’s the tactile connection between the two of you that causes their heart to pound.

To hack it…

  • Maybe this one sounds obvious – include touch, duh – but it’s the way that touch happens, that’s important here.
  • I recommend touch that creates a lil sexual tension: starting off with something more neutral or sweet, like hugs and/or a touch on the shoulder.
  • As you read your partner’s body language, you can offer more suggestive touch: a kiss on the neck, touching their thigh, etc.

3. Arousal Through Visuals

This is the person who gets turned on by what they see: and that could be you looking sexy, it could be their own reflection looking sexy, it could even be a vivid fantasy. This person might also not be a bad candidate for using sexy media for arousal, like ethical porn. Within reason of course, but if you get turned on by visuals…media could be an effective “arousal runway,” as my dear friend/fellow sex educator Ian Kerner puts it.

To hack it…

  • For this arousal type, I find it goes a long way to pay compliments. Something simple but sincere, like: “wow…you look super hot in that outfit.”
  • You could also share a visual fantasy with your partner, like: “I love picturing you in bed, on top of me while my hands are tied.”
  • Going to the trouble of getting yourself primped and dressed up can also be ideal here. Not saying you have to rent a tux/ball gown, but rather, wearing your version of polished, primped, and put-together.

4. Arousal Through Play 

This is the person who’s down to role play, down for kink, down to be super exploratory – all with a playful spirit leading up to sex, with a vibe of, “I can’t wait to try this with you.” Highly imaginative and connected to fantasy, people that get turned on by play thrive when their partner is open to new experiences, in and out of the bedroom.

To hack it…

  • This is the partner who may want to shake things up, with something completely out of the ordinary. For example…
  • I’ve got a friend who plays “Sexy Stranger” with her husband, and one night, they met at a bar as if they were randos – but he put on a British accent. That playfulness and collaboration helped them have their best sex in years!
  • You can find tons of ideas for sexual play in my recent kink episodes: You’re Kinkier Than You Think: Part 1, where we lay out the basic principles of kink and BDSM, and You’re Kinkier Than You Think: Part 2, where we walk through ways to play.
  • Inspired by those episodes? Wanna stock up on kink supplies? Swing right over to Good Vibrations to getcha some.

5. Arousal Through Physical Adventure 

This is the person who gets turned on by doing something heart-pounding with you: working out, hiking, getting super into their body and watching you get into yours. They feel vital and alive doing physical activity, which releases feel-good chemicals in the body…prompting them to feel sexual, as they leverage their body’s physical arousal for intimacy between the two of you.

To hack it…

  • This arousal type is all about physical activity, so plan situations where you two can be active together.
  • It doesn’t ALWAYS have to be something super athletic, either – it could be a walk around the neighborhood, a swim, or a short jog.
  • But please don’t feel like you have to run an ultramarathon together just to have sex. The basic idea is that we’re getting our hearts pumping together.


So now you know the difference between desire and arousal, what some common sexual arousal types are, and tips for applying these types to real-life scenarios. Well done! Most people aren’t just “one” type, but a combination of a few – so have fun experimenting with each, seeing which arousal style gets you in the mood for your best sex.



Easy Steps to Start Exploring Kink With Your Partner

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When many of us hear the word “kink,” we often envision iconic scenes from 50 Shades of Gray and its classic depictions of whips, chains, and blindfolds. And yes, while kink can totally include those things, it’s actually much simpler than that. In reality, kink is any sexual act that falls outside what is regarded as “conventional sexual activity.”

Of course, this makes kink entirely subjective to the couple. Maybe you’re an expert at restraints but haven’t experimented yet with roleplay. Or maybe you and your partner stick to missionary and doggy-style so sex outside would be considered kink for you.

There are so many different ways to express kink, but the common factor is that it’s something outside of your sexual comfort zone. And because that might be a bit intimidating, we’ve investigated some tools for how you can make kink (or maybe even more kink) work for your relationship, no matter where you are on the sexual spectrum. Let’s discuss the 4 steps you can take:

1. Have an open conversation.

The first step is always to have a conversation. Your sex life won’t change unless you talk about it! But once you start getting into the habit of talking about sex as casually as you discuss the weather, it’ll become much easier to approach awkward or challenging conversations.

If your partner doesn’t know about your interest in exploring kink, opt to bring it up at a time when you’re both feeling awake, but not stressed. (And definitely don’t start a sex convo in the middle of a fight, when you’re tired, or if you’ve been drinking too much.) Opt for a neutral environment like the living room or while you’re on a walk. Say: “Hey, I LOVE our sex life, and I’ve been hearing about kink. Would you want to learn more about it with me?”  (You can also check out our Guide to Better Communication for some amazing tips!)

If you and your partner already know you’re both down to try kinking it up, then you can focus more on what you specifically want to explore. This brings us to step number two…

2. Find common ground.

There’s no “one way” or “right way” to explore kink. As we mentioned earlier, kink is anything that falls outside of the more “traditional” sexual norms. Handcuffs? Sex outside? A sex swing? Cuckolding? All of the above? It’s really unlimited! And while there are some great entry-level kinks for beginners, what you and your partner explore will depend on your own unique desires.

Our Yes, No, Maybe List is a great way to explore different things that you and your partner want to try with another. Simply fill out the list, compare answers, and see where your sexual stars align.

3. Start small and play, play, play. 

Depending on what you discovered through steps 1 and 2, you’ll start to have an idea of where your desires match up…kink is different for everyone! If you’re still not sure where to begin, here are some of our favorite kinks for beginners:

    • Blindfolds. Removing your sense of sight makes your other senses (specifically, touch) stronger…which can be excellent for when things get sexual. Have one partner blindfold the other and provide light kisses down their body. The blindfold will make it so that the person receiving the touch has no idea what’s next and can build a LOT of anticipation. GoodVibes offers a beginner’s bondage kit that’s perfect for this sort of play.
    • Temperature Play. Like using a massage candle or ice cube, temperature play is a sensational way to experiment with kink.  Drip the hot wax onto your partner’s body or draw an ice cube across their nipples and down their chest for an even more intense experience.
    • A Little Bit Of Pain. Don’t let the word “pain” freak you out. A little bit of pain can be a great thing. (Plus your pain tolerance goes down a bit when you’re experiencing sexual pleasure.) Start small with little bites, nibbles, and spanks and, if you both like it, you can expand by adding things like hair-pulling or slaps.


4. Explore Butt Stuff. Butt stuff isn’t always full-blown anal sex—it’s sometimes just dabbling in the backdoor. And because the anus is filled with pleasure-receptors for both men and women, a toy can be a great way to explore booty play. B-Vibe offers a variety of butt plug options, in different sizes and with different types of vibrations.

5. Implement safe words and aftercare. If your kink includes BDSM, you’ll definitely want to incorporate some safe words. Safewords are a way of letting your partner know when they’ve hit a boundary or trigger and you want them to stop. You might also use the light system: Green means you like what they’re doing, yellow means that you’re enjoying it but a little nervous, and red is a full-blown stop.

You’ll also want to implement aftercare, which is a term used to describe the process of checking in after a kink session. This typically involves nurturing your partner with cuddling, tender kisses, or back rubs. It’s so important to make sure that you’re both feeling secure, loved, and protected after engaging in a new sexual act. Regardless of the kinks you choose to explore, aftercare is essential!

Alright, you’ve got the tools—now all you need is encouragement. Dive (or tiptoe) into your newfound kink and have fun exploring. Remember: the key is that your kink is simply stepping outside of your comfort zone. By taking a “sexy risk,” you and your partner might discover new parts of your relationship (and yourself!) you never thought possible.



10 Sex Positions for Your Summer Bucket List

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It’s finally summer and we’re vaxxed, waxed, and ready to have sex. Let’s be honest: after the past year, a sexy summer is something we all desperately need. We can go out in public! Hang out with people who aren’t our family members or roommates! And, most importantly, release some of the (sexual) tension we’ve accumulated over the past year and a half. Whether you’re partnered up this summer or partaking in Hot Girl/Guy/Non-Binary Summer, here are some fun sex positions for your seasonal bucket list.

1. Watermelon Sugar

This iconic Harry Styles’ song might be a year old now, but there’s no denying that it’s the oral sex anthem we’re singing this summer. The receiver can sit on the edge of a bed or couch, and the giver sits on the floor to give some sugar. (Since heat usually rises, it’s easier to breathe and work when you’re closer to the ground, anyway.) Make things even sweeter by adding some flavored lube to the experience.

When going down on your partner, be sure to keep tabs on their moans or other pleasure noises. Experiment with tongue flicking and sucking and repeat what seems to be working. It’s the best picnic you’ll have all summer.

2. The Arc de Triomphe

Pardon my French, but this position f-ing rocks for penis and vulva owners. To mimic this iconic monument, have your partner sit down with their legs extended and then get on top and straddle them. Once you’re comfortable, lean all the way back and arch your back until you’re laying on their legs. The seated partner can penetrate you with their penis or fingers. You can lay your head between their legs and hold onto them for extra support or the sitting partner can lean towards you while they thrust.

For even more pleasure, squeeze your legs together—this intensifies the penetration and allows the sensitive parts of the vulva to feel heightened sensations. Or reverse so that your partner gets a great view of your derriere. It feels amazing and looks like a sex scene in an erotic foreign film… Voilà!

3. Motion of the Ocean 

Let’s be honest: many of us love the feeling of being carried, but it’s often not the easiest way to have sex. But if you’re in a body of water? Boom—there goes the hassle, making this one of our favorite summer sex positions. Take a dip in your pool or at the beach (making sure there’s no one around) and have your partner pick you up for a weightless and sensual experience. From the waist up, it’ll seem like a sensuous and innocent makeout sesh–perfect for when you’re skinny dipping or dipping your toes into some voyeurism. If you’re in a hot tub, one partner can sit while the other straddles, or you can flow through the water and enjoy the pulsating vibes of the jets against your skin.

If you’re not one to have sex in water (we get that), opt for hand stuff the next time you take a dip in the pool/ocean/hot tub. It’s just as sexy, and might even build up some tension to continue playtime when you’re back on land.

4. Sun Dress Challenge

Okay, this isn’t necessarily a position, but it’s a fun challenge. Essentially, this involves someone wearing a loose dress and exploring new positions and locations for spontaneous sex sessions. Not only is it a hot look, but wearing a sundress (or any clothing item) during sex adds an element of flirty play. If you’re the dress-wearer, have your partner slip their hands under your skirt for some finger play, sit on their lap, or encourage them to bend you over for spontaneous doggy-style.

The best part about this challenge is that it can be done almost anywhere. In a hotel elevator on the way up to your room? Have your partner (quickly and discreetly) slide in. If you’re more comfortable with privacy, the sundress challenge is also perfect for at-home play. You can climb onto your partner’s lap after you finish up a work-from-home meeting or coyly bend over (bonus points if you’re commando) when in the kitchen.

5. Post-Beach Shower Sex

There’s nothing like a hot shower after a long day at the beach. Make it a little steamier by having your partner join you—you’ll sneak in some sexy time and save water. If your shower space is limited, face the same wall as your partner and enjoy some “from behind” play. You can bend over and put your hands on your knees or the wall for added support, or use the shower head as a built-in sex toy.

The shower is also a great opportunity to engage in some mutual masturbation. Take turns lathering one another up and then pleasuring yourselves. (Got kids or roommates? The shower is the perfect place to mask the sounds of moaning!) By the end, you’ll both be glowing–from both the sun and the quickie.

6. Doggy-Style

If the heat is getting to you, this position can help you cool down, as you don’t need to be close to any covers for this summer sex position.

You can get on all fours on the bed or even the floor, and have your partner penetrate you from behind. If you’re receiving, try leaning back into your partner to control the intensity and depth of penetration. If you have a clitoris, lay on your stomach and play with yourself with your partner rocks back and forth.

Bonus: get a fan or A/C that is pointed toward you and your partner’s faces to cool off as you get off.

7. A Natural High

Unleash your primal side with some sex outdoors. While you’ll obviously want to opt for as much privacy as possible, there are totally ways to get it on outside. Pack a small towel or blanket the next time you’re on a hike, and take a detour to a secluded area for some spur-of-the-moment playtime. If you’ve got the time and privacy, sit on your partner’s lap and rock back and forth or play with more traditional (but intimate) positions, like missionary. Only have a few minutes? Opt for a quick standing sex sesh, using a rock, boulder, or tree for support.

Don’t forget to bite your lips to stay quiet—you don’t want to draw the attention of any other hikers, park rangers, or (of course) animals!

8. Solo Water Play

When it comes to summer sex positions, remember that you don’t need a partner to experience pleasure. Fill your tub or an inflatable pool with enough water to cool you down and get a waterproof toy to play with–we suggest Mimi Soft Clitoral Vibrator by Je Joue. This toy’s ergonomic shape helps to explore and play with your erogenous zones and stimulates your vulva with precision and control.

Another great option is to explore solo, outdoor shower sex. You’ll get the privacy of having an enclosed shower plus the thrill of being outside.

9. Ice, Ice, Baby

Summer presents the perfect opportunity to integrate ice play. You know how amazing it feels to drink cold water after an intense cardio workout? That’s exactly the feeling we want to channel. Try standing sex in front of an open fridge—the carton of oat milk won’t judge. For a more intense experience, incorporate some ice by dragging it across your partner’s skin. Go from their lips to their chest, and all the way down to their genitals. You might also suck on an ice cube and then perform oral. The cool feelings add new sensations that feel equally shocking and exciting.

10. Voyeurs on Vacation

When the summer temperatures start to creep up, the last thing you want is to share your partner’s body heat. Enter, mutual masturbation—a great way to connect and experience without even touching one another. Sit across one another on the bed or on the couch and slowly begin touching yourselves, describing how good it feels and how much you love watching your partner. (Check out our Mutual Masturbation Guide for extra tips.)

Wanna cool it down as things get steamy? Aim your fan or A/C onto both of you and enjoy the chill (and hot) vibes.



Two fingers on grapefruit on blue background. Sex concept.

How To Find The G-Spot

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Just about everyone has heard of the g-spot. It’s supposedly the “holy grail” of all female sexual stimulation – so why can’t anyone find it? If you do get lucky and find a woman’s g-spot, how to heck are you supposed to stimulate it? Here’s a quick and easy guide to simple, g-spot stimulation that works flawlessly each time and every time.

It’s amazing how many men and women don’t know how to find the g-spot! Read on to find out exactly what the g-spot is and how to find it!

What Is The G-Spot?

The g-spot is a ball of nerve endings inside a woman’s vagina. Similar to a clitoris, these nerve endings pick up sexual stimulation and allow women to have orgasms. The g-spot is important, because most of the inner vagina doesn’t have nerve endings – which is why most women can’t feel a tampon if it’s inserted properly. So to truly stimulate your partner’s vagina, it’s important to find the g-spot and learn how to stimulate it to give your partner a great internal orgasm. It also allows you to vary the types of orgasms you can give your partner, instead of relying only on clitoral orgasms.

How To Find The G-Spot

Contrary to popular belief, the g-spot isn’t terribly hard to find. It’s located just inside a woman’s vagina, on the top, right behind the pubic bone. To find the g-spot, all you have to do is insert one or two fingers inside your partner’s vagina, with your palm up. The g-spot is about finger length away from the opening of the vagina, so once your fingers are in, feel along the top of her vagina and behind the pubic bone for a spongy, bumpy spot. Most of the vagina is smooth, so you’ll probably be able to distinguish the g-spot from the rest of her vaginal tissue. If your partner is turned on, however, the g-spot will be swollen and a little easier to find. Many men who couldn’t find the g-spot probably tried to do so when their partner wasn’t turned on mentally or physically, so the g-spot was much smaller and more hidden. If you want success the first time, make sure you kiss your partner, fondle her, stimulate her nipples and turn her on before you start searching for her “holy grail.”

How To Stimulate The G-Spot

Stimulating the g-spot is actually quite easy too – after you’ve located it with your fingers along the top wall of her vagina, simply move your fingers towards you and back in a continuing “come here” motion. You can also tap the g-spot, or move your fingers from side to side for additional stimulation. If you really want to get your partner going, try giving her a blended orgasm by combining g-spot stimulation with clitoral stimulation. This is most successful if you can provide her with oral sex while you finger her g-spot, but you can use your other hand or even a toy if you want to give her unexpected sensations.



Loveandsex. “Sex Tip: How To Find The G-Spot.” Love & Sex Answers, 24 Jan. 2018,

4 Ways to Spring Clean Your Sex (and Love) Life

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We’re on the cusp of the most exciting spring yet. Not only are the days getting longer and the weather warmer, but we’re also starting to see an opportunity to get back out there and socialize after a very long hibernation. People are getting vaccinated. Public spaces are opening up. We can (maybe) go on a date IRL!

To get ready, we’re looking at a new kind of spring cleaning. The phrase traditionally conjures up images of clothing donations and bathroom drawer organizers. But to really gear up for the season and come out of our pandemic pods, we want you to focus on something a little more fun—like your sex life.

So what does spring cleaning your sex life even look like? Let’s discuss.

Revamp your sex toy collection.

Over time, our nightstand drawers can become hiding places for all different kinds of toys, lubes, lotions, and other things. Use this spring as an opportunity to clear out the clutter and essentially Marie Kondo your sex life. Keep the things that bring you joy (like that massage candle you love but forgot you had), and ditch the things you’re no longer interested in.

If you find that you’re throwing away nearly everything, then it’s time to treat yourself to a new toy. For vulva-owners, the Lily Allen Womanizer is a game-changing toy that uses pleasure air technology for a unique orgasm experience. If you’ve got a penis, or know someone who does, the Arcwave Ion also uses pleasure-air technology, but in a way that stimulates the frenulum.

For even more options, the products and sex accessories at Good Vibrations offer everything from butt plugs to penis rings to bullet vibes. An organized toy collection might inspire you to masturbate more—and who wouldn’t want that?

Revisit your collection of sexy clothes.

After you’re done tidying up your sex toy drawer, move on over to your closet. Maybe you bought some lingerie for a special occasion, wore it once, and now it’s hidden in the back of your underwear drawer. There’s no rule that says you can only wear lingerie once—especially if it makes you feel good.

You’re also way more likely to wear your lingerie when it’s in one organized location. Consider designating a special space in your closet for your sexy stuff. You’ll be ten times more prepared to dress up on a casual Tuesday night when your partner is least expecting it. After all, spontaneity is hot AF.

Let go of toxic relationships.

Not all “spring cleaning” is physical. Some of it requires you to look into your relationships. Take note of what serves you and what’s taking up too much space. Are you clinging to a romanticized memory of an ex? Is there a friend who’s been consuming your emotional bandwidth? Consider using spring as an opportunity to create some fresh boundaries.

When we give up the mental space we’ve dedicated to toxic relationships, we start to see growth in other areas of our lives. And while it might feel difficult, you definitely deserve those new opportunities.

Make a sexual game plan.

Alright, you’ve created the space—now it’s time to make a plan and fill it with all sorts of fun activities that bring you pleasure. What’s one new thing you really want to try this season, or even this year? What are you most excited to do when it’s safe to socialize again?

If you need help getting started, check out our Pleasure Planner. It helps you reflect on your past year (what a crazy one it was) and plan for the year ahead. Some ideas for your “pleasure plan” might include sex in a tent, going on one date a week, or treating yourself to some sexy, feel-good clothes.

Regardless of how you’re celebrating spring, we hope it includes making time and space for the things that make you feel ah-mazing. If not now, then when?



13 Ways to Make Her Thighs Quiver

Sex for a woman is often less pleasurable than it is for men, simply because it’s harder for a girl to orgasm. It takes a lot more foreplay to get a woman to warm up enough to even get close to orgasm, and many guys just don’t last that long. Either that, or they don’t have the skills to bring a girl to climax. Either way, you can use these sex tips to rev your partner’s engine and make your lover come.

Lick And Suck The Labia

Often, men either go for the vaginal canal itself or the clitoris when giving a girl oral sex. This is great and all, but the labia usually get neglected this way. The labia are actually packed with tons of sensitive nerve endings, so she’ll get a lot more pleasure than if you focus on the clitoris only. Use your tongue to lick all around the labia area and if your partner’s labia are longer, gently suck them into your mouth for a few seconds at a time. She’ll love that you actually put your mouth all over the vagina instead of sticking to one spot!

Massage Your Partner’s Pubic Area (Around The Clitoris)

The clitoris is actually quite a bit larger than it appears. Kind of like the tip of the iceberg thing – there’s much more hidden underneath. On either side of the part of the clitoris that you see, there is a channel of clitoral tissue on either side of it in a sort of wishbone shape. Massaging the pubic area around the clitoris will stimulate this tissue and bring your girl to orgasmic heights.

Place Your Tongue On The Clitoris – And Don’t Move!

This is a great way to tease your lover during cunnilingus. When going down on your girl, flatten your tongue and place it fully on your partner’s clitoris. Hold it there for several seconds without moving. It won’t be long before she absolutely begs you to lick and suck more! You can alternate doing this with flicking the clitoris with your tongue to drive your partner absolutely wild.

Explore The Vagina With Your Fingers

Most guys think fingering is just about sticking their fingers up a woman’s vagina. This alone won’t give an orgasm and if she’s not properly aroused, fingering  like this will actually be uncomfortable or painful. Take some time to lube your partner up beforehand with a good water based lubricant and explore the entire vaginal area with your fingers.

Start out with soft pressure, gradually increasing your massage as she gets more and more turned on. Once you’ve massaged your partner’s clitoris and vagina and she’s really turned on, slip your finger inside the vaginal canal and use the “come hither motion” to stimulate the g-spot.

Use Different Oral Sex Positions

Even oral sex can get boring after awhile if you’re using the same sex position each and every time. Next time you want to “go down” on your lover, you don’t necessarily have to “go down” at all. Instead, have your partner come to you! Let your partner sit on your face, or go from behind and eat your lover out doggy style. The change in sex positions will make your girl feel as though what you’re doing is more taboo, and it will up the pleasure factor for your partner significantly!

Go Slow At First During Intercourse

Most guys pump away during intercourse once the initial penetration is over, and rarely can a woman have an orgasm this way. Instead, enter your partner slowly and slide your penis in and out slowly, so she can feel everything. Take your thumb or a vibrator and slowly rub the clitoris as well and it won’t be long before she’s bucking up against you with orgasmic waves of pleasure.

Bring A Vibrator To Bed

If your partner struggles with the ability to have an orgasm during sex with you, don’t be too proud to bring a vibrator to bed. Some women just need a lot of stimulation to bring themselves over the edge of climax. Try a couples vibrator that you can use too, such as one that is attached to a cock ring that slips over you and keeps your erection rock hard. This will help stimulate the clitoris as you have sex with your partner, so she will get to enjoy sex as much as you do.

Use Baby Powder Deodorant

This is one you probably haven’t heard of before, but did you know that wearing baby powder deodorant can actually help turn a woman on? This is because it plays to your woman’s need to procreate, so her mind will instantly attach you with making babies – and for you that means lots of sex. While women also enjoy musky scents that make you smell more manly, wearing baby powder deodorant is a simple way to ensure you’re going to get some! It’s also ghoing to ensure that she’s going to be fully involved and aroused during sex – which means it’s going to be better for your lover too.

Make Sure Your Lover’s Feet Are Warm

Studies show that women can reach orgasm more easily if the feet are warm. So before you hop into bed, give your lover a bit of an erotic massage – on the feet! Make sure your hands are nice and warm and give yourpartner a rubdown with some heated massage oil. You can also have your girl slip on a pair of socks. Keeping the feet toasty will make it much easier for you to give your partner an orgasm and if you massaged the feet to get them warm, the relaxing rubdown will help make your lover’s orgasm incredible.

Tell Your Parnter How Much You Love Making Her Feel Good

Women are emotional beings and appealing to your partner’s emotional side during sex will heighten your partner’s orgasmic potential. While you’re going down on your girl or fingering, look into her eyes and let your partner know how much you love touching her, feeling her and giving pleasure. This is NOT dirty talk – you’re not going to describe how “hot” she is or how you like how wet she is. Turn it around and say how much you really enjoy making HER feel good.

If you’re sincere about it (and she’ll definitely be able to tell), she’ll let down the emotional guard just a little bit. When she does this, you have the open door to give your partner an earth shattering climax.

Don’t Change What You’re Doing If You Find Something She Likes

If you’re giving your partner oral sex and she really starts gasping for breath and clinging to the sheets, do not stop what you’re doing – ever. A lot of guys are under the impression that if they find something their partner likes, they can change it up and do something that she likes even better. This completely backfires almost every time! Instead, keep a steady pace doing whatever you’re doing and once you’re sure that she likes it (as in, she’s screaming with ecstasy), keep doing what you’re doing and bring your lover over the edge of orgasm.

Try Tantric Sex

Tantra is a form of sex that allows two partners to share sexual energy with each other – by having slow, intimate contact with each other and enjoying the act of sex and each wave of pleasure it has to offer. Reaching orgasm is surely a goal with tantric sex, but it is not necessarily the main event. Take a page out of the book of Tantra and “make love” with your partner. Go slow and gaze deeply into your partner’s eyes as she experiences wave of wave after pleasure. If either of you get close, pull back and do something else until you’re ready to go at it again. Prolong the experience and when the orgasm finally hits, duck for cover because it’s going to be a big one.

Take A Shower With Your Lover – And Wash The Vagina

Whether it’s before or after sex, take a shower with you partner and ask if she’ll allow you to wash her vagina. If you do this before sex, it can be a great form of foreplay, but that is not the idea here. The idea here is to show your partner that you care for your partner by lovingly washing the genitals with no thoughts of yourself or your own pleasure. This single act of showing your lover that you truly do care for her, her health and her pleasure can make a huge difference in how she can let go of the inhibitions with you and have a great orgasm.