Research suggests monogamy might not be worth it.
According to Dr. Michelle Golland, in the United States “mate swapping” or “swinging,” meaning to engage in sexual activities with the people who belong to outside of your marriage, is mainly seen as deviant or strange. But does it match with the facts? It is decades back during the 1960s when sexual experimentation and free love came to the forefront. During the 1970s, it transformed as “key parties.”
Before going any further, it is important to define swinging. Swinging is a form of an open relationship, in which partners remain committed and engaged in sexual activities, even with the other partners at the same time. They mainly regard their relations as a recreational practice or a social activity. It has added importance to their curiosity or to their conventional sex lives.
Some of the swingers, who remain engaged in casual sex, are often found to be more deliberative and frank, and therefore, more honest than those monogamous couples who indulge in infidelity. Many swingers feel that swinging is a healthy practice that actually strengthens their swinging-relationships.
According to some recent web articles, swingers are mentally healthier than their monogamous peers. The subtitle of the same article says that those men and women who swing perhaps possess some important mental health strengths.
Swingers Refrain From Divorces
Is there a reason why polyamorous couples divorce less? Well, the reasons swingers don’t file for divorces in comparison to their monogamous peers are the traits which determine happiness and flexibility in their mental health. They have an abstract thinking capacity in addition to creativity and adaptability to changing circumstances. The sex lives of the swingers are undoubtedly more flexible if compared with the monogamous couples, in terms of sex.
According to some renowned therapists specializing in both swingers and monogamous couples’ relationship issues, swingers do not fear, so they do not cheat. Obviously, the other group (i.e., monogamous couples) fear, so they cheat on their spouses.
Regarding fear, monogamous couples are victims of the toxic jealousy trap. This trap entails that any particular gesture or behavior may lead to a full-fledged affair, resulting into complete breakage of relationships.
Statistical Revelations Of Divorces Among Monogamous Couples
According to some statistical data, those that assume that people who blame others are the ones who actually initiate the divorce, giving their side a “good” reason. If the statistics are studied among the monogamous couples the figures are as follows:
- Wives of monogamous marriages initiate 70 percent of divorce and blame their partners 40 percent of the time, while husbands of monogamous marriages initiate 30 percent of divorce and blame their partners for 21 percent of the same faults.
- In another finding, 79 percent males of monogamous marriages initiated divorce is unprovoked; while the figures are 60 percent for the females (of the same type of marriages) to have initiated divorce to be found to be unprovoked.
- The other statistical findings show that 23 percent of divorces are the reasons for the males’ “trading-up” and 28 percent of divorces are for the males’ “screwing-up” that ultimately results in 51 percent of divorces among monogamous marriages.
- Another statistical study reveals the fact that 42 percent of divorces are because of “trading-up” by the females of monogamous marriages; while the figures of divorces due to “screwing-up” by the females of monogamous marriages are 7 percent, ending up with the total of 49 percent of divorces being due to women.
Hence, it is revealed that men are much more likely to “screw-up” and women are much more likely to “trade-up.” Therefore, both men and women are seemingly responsible for about half of divorces in the monogamous category, so the two cancel each other out.
The Fear Psychosis Of Monogamous Couples
Additional reasons why polyamorous couples divorce less has to do with fear in monogamous relationships. The couples in this category also fear of exhausting their best days of sexual excitements by being settled down and remaining bonded in a marriage, which may lead to a frustrating divorce.
The Fearlessness Of Swinging Couples
The couples in this category are often found to be deeply in love and remain emotionally connected. They hardly value sex in the same line as their monogamous peers do.
Reasons For Increased Divorces Among Monogamous Couples
In the case of the nitty-gritty in real life, the dividing line is drawn with the “pen” of sex. One relationship therapist found that monogamous couples are more judgmental towards sex, as it always and also predominantly pervades monogamists.
However, the swinging couples mostly espouse the attitude of “live-and-let-live.” Of course, many people will not generally support this attitude because different people have different sexual emotions and needs.
In 2009, the most popular swingers website SwingLifeStyle.com agreed that subjective scientific research has been conducted in the United States since the late 1960s. A study, based on an Internet questionnaire addressed to visitors of the swingers website, found swingers are happier in their relationships than the norm.
The swingers website concluded that some believe sexual attraction is part of human nature and should be openly enjoyed by a committed or married couple. Some swingers say divorce in the U.S. and lack of quality of sex and spousal infidelity are significant factors in divorce.
Another study showed that for non-swingers, 37 percent of husbands and 29 percent of wives admit to at least one extramarital affair, and divorce rates for first marriages approached 60 percent.
While polyamory isn’t for anyone, there’s no question that for those who engage in swinging, their happiness and relationship success are much higher.